Score

I found $6 in my shorts today. $6. Awesome.

Back in Sactown today, Bay Area tomorrow.

So why does today feel like Tuesday and not Wednesday?

So flying this week, two things happened. First on the way up to Portland, I flew Southwest and I was in the A group. And I had a low number so I sat first. I got in the second row so it was totally cool and I knew I would get my coffee first.

Well as everyone was boarding the captain got on and said that it was about half full so aisle and windows for almost everyone so that was totally cool which means we weren't three to a row like the old days riding the bus to Calaveras High School. (God that sucked)

So this lady gets on and says, "Can I sit next to you?"

She was an older, granola looking lady who obviously was heading for a hike along the Columbia. I let her in since the window was open and she seemed harmless. So I go back to sit down and...

WTF?

She was sitting in the middle... So... of course, being the prick that I am I was like move over bitch!

Not really, but I did inform her in a totally terse way that the window was open and she should enjoy the view of the Cascades on the way to Oregon.

And she says NO!

Okay, the WTF came entered my mind and I turned around looking for another aisle.... Then she realized no one else was boarding and then she moved over.

So today... I sat on a plane and watched a lady have air sickness. It was sweet.

A Quickie

Okay... I fly a lot.

I can recite a hybrid version of Southwest's, Delta's, Alaskan's and Frontier's safety speech at the beginning of each flight. How they verify the ages of people in exit rows.

I totally tune out... I figure if the plane goes down, I am fuct any way.

So today I am glazed over listening to the safety speech on my flight to Colorado Springs... just thinking... The sooner you get this plane up, the sooner you'll out that coffee cart so I can get a cup and listen to my iPod.

So I am listening and the attendant is going through the water landing bullshit (the plane would break apart in a water landing) and she says, "Most seat cushions can be used as a flotation device."

Wait! What??? Most? Well... which seat isn't floatable? Am I in that seat? WTF? You warn us about the exits, the oxygen masks, how to evacuate but you won't tell us which seats can't be used as flotation devices?

And we all sit like she said nothing new....

Fly High, Fly Free, But Don't Fly Southwest!!!

Samiam circa 1994...

I titled another post the same as one I wrote a while back. I guess I will just confuse Google...

Whatever.

The lead singer of the band Samiam wrote the title of this post on a t-shirt I got back in '96. For some reason I never forget it... when I am delayed on the runway an hour and a half in Houston and just when I thought I was freaking out, I miss my connecting flight in Vegas so I have to wait another one an hour later... the very last one... which could have been full...

See that sky flying by...

27 Hour Day...

I got up at what would be the equivalent to 1 AM PST. Showered... I think. Packed the suitcase and jumped in the rental car, which I fueled up the night before. I made my way back to the Ft. Lauderdale Airport, with the window open to keep me awake and also because it was like 70 out still.

Checked in, got a terrible latte made by some Haitian chick with an attitude and sunk into my seat to wait for the plane.

Plane was totally full but lucky me, the middle seat was open and I got the hottie sitting in the other seat. The only middle seat on the plane that is open is between us and the hottie... Who could ask for more? Right I am married... (Us?)

Once above 10,000 feet... I popped on my iPod and curled up against the window as I watched the sunrise over the Atlantic. Nite nite... I thought...

BAM!!

What was that? Nothing... back to sleep... sort of...

BAM!! BAM!!

Okay, now dude what the fuck? I turned around and a 7 year old kid off his meds is jumping around on the early flight. Great I thought...

BAM!

So much for sleeping... I got a cup of coffee and watched that movie with The Rock as a football player getting surprised by his long lost daughter... Heh... Why me?

BAM!

Also read the Economist. I love this magazine so much. Great topics on foreign affairs and the world economy...

BAM! This time right in the lower spine which hurts like hell already.

I jumped up and gave the father the "I'm gonna fuck your shit up" look. He was busy reading the Book of Mormon or something.

Then they gave this kid sugar.

It got peaceful toward the end of the movie. Ah... 2 hours done in a 5 hour flight.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!...

This time the kid is opening and closing his tray. So I leaned the chair all the way back...

Ah, the father catches on and starts paying attention to the kid...

I popped my second vike and watch my left hand shake for 15 minutes or so and listen to my iPod. I doze off...

BAM! It's 15 minutes later or something...

What do I do? Do I be a prick and wake everyone else on the plane? After all he is 7 and someday Elijah is gonna kick the chair in front of him.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

The beatings continued the rest of the flight. I sat all the way forward with my head on the chair in front, leaving my seat all the way back.

We descend into Salt Lake City. This kid is all giddy and really bouncing around because of the snow he now sees everywhere. He tells stories to his sister... on and on...

Of course, now we move our chairs to the upright and locked position (whatever that means, they lock in any position) and we glide down, sit on the tarmac for like 15 minutes because snow is everywhere and finally we pull to the gate and the kid is rocking kicking and pulling my seat. I am about to snap but I give one last glare to the dad and he calms the kid down.

It's taking forever to get off and the kid is again hanging all over the back of my seat now. Pulling, tugging... rocking... all his weight is on it...

Finally I say "Fuck it" and push the recline button and watch my seat fall all the way back slinging the kid back into his chair. He totally fell down and I said to the Dad, "Oh shit! I am sorry, I accidentally hit the button."

I'm such a dick...

Back Home...

Finally... a grueling week almost ends. I started on Tuesday with a flight out to Colorado and once I landed I never stopped. Late nights and early rises. I won't delve into what I did the whole time because I won't. I'll just say I stood in front of people and talked a lot about what I know.

The flight was easy coming back. A lady sat next to me and she was nice. The flight attendant talked me into buying her a drink. I tried to say no but other passengers started rooting for me as the lady looked for her credit card. I sat back and silently said, "Fuck it! Get me a Scotch too..."

In Colorado, it was really cold and this white sort of icy stuff fell from the sky. I didn't know what to do so I ran and hid from it. Scary shit. I wonder what it was. It covered my rental car and froze to it. The ice scraper that the rental car company gives didn't work so I used my hotel key. Hotel keys have a lot of purposes.

I haven't seen Elijah or DW since Monday night... They were not awake when I got home.

I thought of more ideas for some songs. Still thinking it through. The hard part is matching lyrics to melodies. The music side is actually easy if I choose the right key.

Anyways... "Hi, what's up?"