27 Hour Day...

I got up at what would be the equivalent to 1 AM PST. Showered... I think. Packed the suitcase and jumped in the rental car, which I fueled up the night before. I made my way back to the Ft. Lauderdale Airport, with the window open to keep me awake and also because it was like 70 out still.

Checked in, got a terrible latte made by some Haitian chick with an attitude and sunk into my seat to wait for the plane.

Plane was totally full but lucky me, the middle seat was open and I got the hottie sitting in the other seat. The only middle seat on the plane that is open is between us and the hottie... Who could ask for more? Right I am married... (Us?)

Once above 10,000 feet... I popped on my iPod and curled up against the window as I watched the sunrise over the Atlantic. Nite nite... I thought...

BAM!!

What was that? Nothing... back to sleep... sort of...

BAM!! BAM!!

Okay, now dude what the fuck? I turned around and a 7 year old kid off his meds is jumping around on the early flight. Great I thought...

BAM!

So much for sleeping... I got a cup of coffee and watched that movie with The Rock as a football player getting surprised by his long lost daughter... Heh... Why me?

BAM!

Also read the Economist. I love this magazine so much. Great topics on foreign affairs and the world economy...

BAM! This time right in the lower spine which hurts like hell already.

I jumped up and gave the father the "I'm gonna fuck your shit up" look. He was busy reading the Book of Mormon or something.

Then they gave this kid sugar.

It got peaceful toward the end of the movie. Ah... 2 hours done in a 5 hour flight.

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!...

This time the kid is opening and closing his tray. So I leaned the chair all the way back...

Ah, the father catches on and starts paying attention to the kid...

I popped my second vike and watch my left hand shake for 15 minutes or so and listen to my iPod. I doze off...

BAM! It's 15 minutes later or something...

What do I do? Do I be a prick and wake everyone else on the plane? After all he is 7 and someday Elijah is gonna kick the chair in front of him.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

The beatings continued the rest of the flight. I sat all the way forward with my head on the chair in front, leaving my seat all the way back.

We descend into Salt Lake City. This kid is all giddy and really bouncing around because of the snow he now sees everywhere. He tells stories to his sister... on and on...

Of course, now we move our chairs to the upright and locked position (whatever that means, they lock in any position) and we glide down, sit on the tarmac for like 15 minutes because snow is everywhere and finally we pull to the gate and the kid is rocking kicking and pulling my seat. I am about to snap but I give one last glare to the dad and he calms the kid down.

It's taking forever to get off and the kid is again hanging all over the back of my seat now. Pulling, tugging... rocking... all his weight is on it...

Finally I say "Fuck it" and push the recline button and watch my seat fall all the way back slinging the kid back into his chair. He totally fell down and I said to the Dad, "Oh shit! I am sorry, I accidentally hit the button."

I'm such a dick...

Oh The Hillarity...

People it's Steve Fossett... Not Steve Faucet... 200 misspelled hits...

I just love it when things like this happen to this blog. This occurs a few times a year. 200 hits since Sunday.

Thanks for stopping in though... The power of Steve's Blog rules the internet. One little blog that could.

Oh... check out Blackle. It's the more environmentally friendly version of Google. Supposedly saves a bunch of watt hours because your computer is not using a white background, thus saving electricity. Great for the hippies and Teeny down in the Bay Area! The Bay Area... ah... the most ludicrous place on the planet when it comes to "green". The only place you'll see a Sierra Club bumper sticker on an SUV.

Anyone else see the last two minutes of the 49er's game last night? Wasn't that fucking awesome? Never say never...

I go now...

Steve Involved In A Wicked Car Accident

I was driving today in Arizona. It was hot like 107 degrees. I was in a sports-type car and so I was going kind of fast for the conditions. I was weaving in and out of corners just passing people left and right, a lot of them just really didn't know how to drive. Well, I came around this really tight corner and this lady spun out in front of me. She totally got sideways and like I had nowhere to go. I thought quick and I threw my car into the guard rail hoping to make it through and BAM!!! I was T-Boned at 35 mph by the car behind me. I almost flew out of the car because it was open top. I had a four point harness on though and THANK GOD for the helmet!!

I was able to straighten out and get off the track. I was lucky. The guy that hit me is a piece of shit for doing so. That guy is big brother. And we were on the F-1 go kart racing track in Phoenix, AZ. He had his racing permit revoked for the day. I might forgive him but 30 minutes in the hot tub did nothing to help.

But the racing...

Dude... it was so rad. These go karts go like 45 mph. There was this tight track and we got two races on it. Centrifical clutch on the motor. A gas pedal and some brakes. Yeah what brakes. I was drifting in the fog like an Asian kid in Daly City, CA down Hickey Blvd. (Grow up in DC and you know what I am talking about) I was all giddy before we started. We had to take a race "class" on how to drive. We had a smock for the helmets so your sweat didn't make everything wet. Optional racing suits which we declined of course because we didn't want to look like fairies. I have a passion for driving cars fast and when I can get in a position to legally do so... I can get a car to move.

So there was like 10 of us. We all get in the cars. My brother got the pole position because of a random pick and I was 5th, which pissed me off. As soon as the green flag dropped I was gone. We had a rolling start and when green meant go, I freaking blew the doors off the car in front of me. All tight corners and chicanes. I found the line and soon I was behind my brother. The two of us roll it like we stole it. I'd pass him and the asshole would cheat and bump me into the wall over and over. This went on for like 15 laps until they called us in.

They judged the racing times by seconds per lap. I had the fastest lap out of 24, beating my brother by a full half second. He was pissed. He made up excuses like my car was faster or that his brakes didn't work right or that because I am smaller. (He's 6' 1" and maybe 220, which doubles Teeny both in height and weight, twice) I rarely used my brakes and all that tuning and racing I did a few years back on my 914 and the racing games on my XBOX 360 paid off. I flew around corners. Everyone would take them tight... I ran them deep to keep the speed up because of the engine clutch these things have. When you hit the brakes you lose revs and your engine dies. You keep the engine speed up and there is no stopping you. I got the thing to back fire a few times which was really cool. The line was definitely on the outside of the track.

So a half an hour later. The cars are in a different order so the faster car claim is gone. I am running 5th at the start so I still have to pass 4 people to get to the front and ahead of my brother. I don't have the same car. And still despite the accident (that the managers were pissed at my brother for) I beat my best time by a full second and again came in first. I ran this car harder. Sliding, smoking tires. It was great. All except for the crash. The admonished my brother and kicked him out.

In the championship race I lost by 7 tenths of a second. My time in the second race was the 4th best this week at this place.

My thumbs hurt. My back is totally fucked. I think I have whiplash. My wrists are killing me. After he hit me I sat on the track for like 5 minutes and then pulled off the track and sat there for another few. My co-workers had that look like, "Oh that dude is totally a jerk for doing that to him."

But it's okay... We go on these team events and if there is something to win, my brother always tries to win. He is ultra competitive. But I stuck him twice by a good margin. I had him.

I won.

Another Mean Post...

Flew home from Seattle this afternoon and I must say, the Seattle to Sacramento flight is one of the best views if you are stuck in a window seat.

It would have been even better though if the old lady in front of me would have learned how to shut up!

First off, she told her husband that the next time she went to Alaska, she wanted to see icebergs and that she did not want to wait another 30 years to get to go. Doh! Zing! Yeeouch!! I'd file for divorce like right there or at least crack her upside the head.

Then, after noticing that we were totally boarded she wanted to know why we weren't leaving. She had all these thoughts that she spoke out loud like, "I bet not all of the luggage is not loaded." Or "There's something wrong up front." Or some other lame excuse. The funny part is when she looked back out the window and said, "Oh we can't leave because those planes are on the runway and we shouldn't back."

I sighed... Looking at my watch with like 10 minutes to spare before the scheduled take off.

So we were off... And I thought we were done. Especially when the drink cart came out and she had her white zinfandel with the screw top.

The cool thing about this flight is that it goes right over the Cascades. You see Mt. Rainier at takeoff. What's left of St. Helens, Mt Hood, Shasta... Lassen all the way down.

She's like, "Look everyone Shasta Lake. We're getting close!!!" All loud and energetic.

I am thinking, no dipshit... That's actually Crater Lake.

The whole left side of the plane of old people coming over to the right side of the plane to gasp and ahhh at Crater Lake and this old bitch is insistant that we're over Shasta Lake.

"Ding... this is your captain, if you look out the right you can see Crater Lake".

"Oh..." the lady says, "It's Crate Lake, look everyone..."

I shook my head in disbelief as I looked at my calendar on my Treo.

So some time passes and we actually get over Shasta and then the lake the whales were trying to get to, 250 miles north of Sacramento.

Her husband rightfully points out Shasta and then the lake.

So there is some silence... we're descending and we come across this big city and she goes, "Hey look it's Rocklin and Sun City."

Finally I am done with the stupidity of announcing geographical landmarks and I say forcefully," That's not Rocklin or Sun City... That's Yuba City and how you can tell is that old mountain range called the Sutter Buttes that's right outside of town off of Hwy 20 to Colusa.., Rocklin is 50 miles away on the other side of the plane, OK!!!"

She turns around and looks at me... I just stared forward like nothing happened.

This kind of crap really pisses me off!!

Breaking News: Rosie O'Donnell In Sacramento Today!!!

Rosie seen swimming into town near the K Street Bridge

Update:

Oops! My bad... That actually IS a whale that made it's way up the river. Reports said, "Whale... San Francisco Bay... Arrived in Sacramento". And there are two which means I thought Rosie brought his/her wife.

One can only draw the most reasonable conclusion. Not that a whale couldn't swim 80 miles up a river from San Francisco Bay. It's been done before!