The Peet's Coffee Interview

So...

My Saturday ritual of taking Elijah out to Peet's Coffee got an interesting treat this morning. We walked in as usual and ordered coffee and a croissant (not the usual cinnamon roll, that would be redundant. Anyway, so I noticed this blond chick and this like Carrot Top looking dude interviewing patrons. This Peet's is in the heart of Midtown Sacramento, I figure they were interviewing about the war or Obama's chances at beating the neighborhood choice candidate Ralph Nader that Communist lady that runs every year. To think anyone would look at McCain or Huckabee in these parts. I mean, one block from the gay bars, across the street from the liberal activist paper and home to many earthy people and college students. Despite my right leanings I feel at home with this people. I even dress the part with holey jeans and sandals. The Porsche Cayenne and the leather jacket let anyone know that I am a poseur anyway and that I need to get my ass back to where I came from as soon as I enjoy my coffee.

Well, Peet's takes a little bit to make your coffee, not like Starbuck's who busts their ass to see how fast they can make it which usually leads to errors like forgotten shots of espresso, weird tastes and soy milk accidentally being substituted for real whole fat milk.

So Elijah and I are sitting there enjoying a father and son moment. I was glancing at an article about a local home builder who gave a new home to two soldiers fighting in Iraq. Then it was like...

"Hi... Well look who knows what a camera is?"

I gave the defensive "oh shit... here we go, am I not interested or need to leave now?"

"What a cutie!! Just so you know...", the interviewer says, "We don't work for Peet's but we are doing an independent marketing study for Peet's Coffee."

"Ok", I say (So they do work for Peet's under a work for hire but not for the actual store, those liars)

"So why do you come to Peet's?"

"It's good..." Blank stare... What more did she want?

"What is it about Peet's you like?"

"Quality." (Note there are only four possible answers relating to Quality, Convenience, Price and Safety... No one comes to a gourmet coffee shop for Price and Safety so that removes two right off the bat, I bet 75% of the respondents associate with Quality and a select few say they live around the corner or something... Hating Starbucks relates to quality... I know this marketing trap I am in right now!)

"What is it about quality that you like?"

"Uhh... (do I need to answer this again?) It's good...(Quick... what's a good thought provoking answer?) It's consistent. Peet's sells a consistent product."

"What do you mean by consistent?"

(Exactly that.) "Uhh... It always tastes good" (Circular argument back to Quality... Bravo Steve!)

"Why do you come to Peet's? What makes you come here instead of over coffee places?"

(Real answer: Hot chicks usually working here) "Um... it's nice... I don't feel rushed, like at your major, unnamed competitor's stores which you can find more convenient than Peet's."

I said that while looking into the camera... the interviewer felt good when I said that. You could tell. Then I signed a consent form stating that I can be on their website or something. We'll see... it would be funny if I was. My classic, thought provoking answers... uhhh...

Saturday Afternoon Post

Eric Burdon and the Animals

My left arm has been feeling weird the last few days. It's not pain necessarily it is weakness and a vibrating that peaks in my forearm but really goes from my finger tips to my neck. It's that feeling you have just after you shook the pins and needles out of your leg or something when it falls asleep. It's the end of the pins and needles, that cold kinda of dark, weak feeling. When I was in Denver the other day I got out of a car that I had been driving in for a few minutes and I headed into the restaurant. I sort of fell to a hand rail on my left. I felt all week. I just fell. Kind of weird, especially when every disease that cause that I have been tested for; all negative tests I might add. WTF?

Watching Green Bay and Seattle play football while I work mad finishing some reports for work. I gotta lot of shit to get done for people. I just keep plugging away though. I thought I would
take a break and do some typing.

Funny story regarding Elijah this morning. I took him out for coffee like I always do on the weekends. He is getting so good at walking so I let him down to follow me into Peet's Coffee. It's a long sidewalk to the store so he is totally safe. And he loves to just walk so we walk slowly to the store.

So we head in and I hold the door. We walk to the counter and I order my Latte and a Cinnamon roll. Elijah loves it! He stays close and we walk to sit while the coffee is being made. I sit down in a chair at a small round table and Elijah climbs up and sits down like me at the table. I notice this dude and his woman with their kid sitting and enjoying coffee. The dude looks at me all inquisitive and shit.

"Hey..." he says, "How old is your son?"

I am shocked because Elijah is usually confused as being my daughter because he is such a pretty boy.

"Um...17 months?" I say...

"Wow...", he says, "I wish my son can do that. My son is over 2 years old and we have to help him do everything."

"That sucks, "I say, and I just turned and handed Elijah a piece of the roll. Not paying attention to that family the rest of the time. I showed another cool trick. I left Elijah in his seat and walked the 5 feet away to get my coffee. Elijah sat smiling and eating his cinnamon roll.

I felt superior...

My left hand hurts now so this story ends now...

The Good Thing About Having Your Birthday On Christmas

Okay... So today is my birthday and I wanted to write the anti-thesis of my previous anti-Christmas Birthday posts. Some random acts of kindness have occurred through midday and there is one startling fact that I have one up on everyone on.

First the fact, the DMV is closed on Christmas. So if you are like me and you wait until the last minute to renew your driver's license when it comes do, you have to spend like two days in line to get processed so you can officially drive again after your birthday.

Nobody likes waiting at the DMV and neither do I. However... Nobody goes to the DMV on Christmas Eve. And if you think anyone is a poor soul working at the DMV try seeing them on Christmas Eve. Oh my God!!! The cool thing for me... No one... I mean no one was there. I got in and out like that. Even got a shnassy new photo of me in my leather jacket that I got for my birthday. Cool thing about a Christmas Birthday: No lines at the DMV.

The second cool thing, we rolled through Valley Springs and if you haven't been to this town in ten years or so, you'd be shocked to find that there is a Starbucks Drive Thru right on the east side of town. The town up until like 5 years ago had 500 people in it that suddenly exploded to 7,700 has a Starbucks. I mean... the town doesn't even have a signal light. Calaveras County has like two and they are both up in Angels Camp. But they have a Starbucks.

So we roll in with the Porsche full of Elijah's gifts and the voice in the speaker goes, "Merry Christmas, what can I get for you today?" So I gave the ole, "Actually you forgot happy birthday..." Surprised, they started singing to me!!! And then they offered a free breakfast sandwich which DW wanted. I told them it was going to her. So when I rolled up to the window they gave me my triple shot venti Latte for FREE!!!. Unfuckingbelievable!!! A free Latte. Made my birthday. Starbucks rules!

That and my wife sang happy birthday all the way home to different tunes that randomly popped up on the iPod. Unusually hearing Happy Birthday sung to the tune of , Nirvana's "Come As You Are" or INXS's "Devil Inside" or even "Disposable Heros" by Metallica

We are in the middle of Halftime for our day. Gotta head up to my bro's house next. Listening to U2's Joshua Tree remastered that my fine sister in law got me for Christmas. (lol "fine" sister in law) iTunes screwed up and dropped it into the middle of the old Joshua Tree album. It's interesting because you can hear such subtle differences in the drums and bass. Then all the extra guitar parts in Running To Stand Still, one of my alltime favorite songs. God, a 20 year old album sounding like new. I was 13 when it came out. The B side version of Silver And Gold is freaking awesome!!! It's played live on Rattle and Hum but this cool!!!

Anyway... good day so far. Gonna go drink some Spanish wines!!!

If You Keep Reading, I'll Keep Ranting...

This post revisits many of my more famous themes from posts like, The Starbucks line, Verbal Assaults in parking lots regarding my choice of vehicle and my personal favorite Elijah.

Okay... so last night, the first night in say, 3 weeks that I went to sleep at a normal hour on my own power... only to wake up at 2:30AM. I put on CNN on sling box on my laptop so I can bore myself back to sleep. Nothing more boring than an early morning Lou Dobbs replay. The reality is though, I turned on Fox so I can anticipate the big Mitt Romney speech and learn more about the crazy fuck with the AK-47 in Omaha. (I guess if you leave all the pieces in close proximity, a kid will grab a gun and go to town... So sad this kind of stuff happens). I went back to sleep at 3 and woke up at 7 when I heard the doors slam.

Anyhow fast forward to reality... I got out of bed at 8 forgetting DW was taking the day off to relax. It's actually cool because I got to take the Cayenne to Starbucks for a cup of my liquid elixir. So I roll in and just like a movie, there was a parking spot right in front. I always call that spot the "movie spot" because when a car rolls up on a business in a movie they always get to park in front. You never get to see them run in the rain across the parking lot, dodging cars and splashing through puddles.

My cell rings and it's Elijah's day care. The nice lady there is asking me to come by and look at Elijah's finger. He somehow got it caught in a door. It sounded a hell of a lot worse than it was. I think it scared him more than it hurt. But I am the emergency contact during the week so I figured I just head into Starbucks and then head over to day care.

Fat chance...

When I opened the door of the Porsche to get out there was rather large woman standing in front of the Porsche. I gave her the,"Do I like generous? I don't have any money!" look. She goes, "I CAN'T GET IN MY CAR!!!" So I humor her... "Why?"

She's like..."You parked to close to my car..."

Thinking of Elijah... Do I say sorry? Do I ignore her? Do I say sucks to be you?

No actually, I go assess the situation because I clearly was well within my line. Sure enough I walk over to the passenger side and her tires are on the line and I am good, Teeny-arm's-widespread distance from her door. I mean... I know people larger than her who could have gotten in. I am not being mean, unreasonable or nasty. There was space. She did not want to attempt it for some reason. It is a tight, urban, downtown parking lot off of Broadway.

She goes..."I can wait for you to get your coffee."

Ah... I struck fear into her... Was it my attitude? My stern, internal dickhead approach to life?

"No...", I say..."My son is hurt at daycare... And all those cooks from the Chinese restaurant are getting their coffee. Look at the line. I'd be wasting more of your time. I am gonna just run and see my son, that's why I was on the phone."

I got back in and sped off. I was pissed the whole time to day care. Why did I let my guard down and not be a jerk on this one? Must be my Christmas spirit.

Elijah was fine. Definitely not a happy camper... Poor little guy. I went back to Starbucks after seeing Elijah.

Do not buy the Ginger Bread slice at Starbucks. It tastes like ass.

Don't Bother Me... I Am Scrooged...

I think I finally fell asleep at like 4:30 AM this morning which is roughly about the time Elijah gets up. I had a bit of a cat nap and basically got up at 7. I don't know what it is but man, I have been an insomniac the past week. I can't sleep because I worrying about shit beyond my control causing me to lose focus on my beauty sleep. The urge to worry is ripping me up.

Anyhow... DW, the boy and I went grocery shopping so I could go get some coffee to wake my ass up and get stuff done today.

It is freaking cold this morning. The Porsche looked cool with the steam coming out of the dual exhaust. It said it was only 36. I was in Denver when it was 20 and 3 inches of snow were on the ground and it felt a hell of a lot colder though here. Probably because the humidity is so high with the light fog over the field next door. It was weird because the car was cold, seat heaters were cranked and people were bundled up walking their dogs. We passed a neighbor's house that had a Nativity scene on a porch swing. I am charging my camera so I can run and get a picture of this. Oh my God, blasphemy.

I stopped at Starbucks. I just got to say... I am so tired and so like down... I walk into this place and there was too much happiness. People were too happy this morning. I get to the counter and the guy is like ultra friendly. He asked me how my day was going. I think he sensed my answer as , "Just get me my fucking coffee and shut the fuck up!" but I was polite. I answered okay... He insisted on getting me to to buy a pound of coffee to donate to the troops.

Hmm... go to Starbucks... buy coffee to donate to the troops. Who makes out on this one, I thought as I rationlized this play on the Christmas spirit? (Yeah Christmas spirit, if you want me to say Holiday Spirit I won't because this is not a liberal blog) I think of the 10,000- 20,000 plus Starbucks retail outlets... I think of all the people that go to each one. If 1 in 20 has been suckered by this one and you figure each store probably sees 500 people a day... then you have 25 pounds, times 20,000 or 500,000 pounds a day off coffee being sent off to the troops. That is a fucking grip of coffee. If they do this for the next 25 days their will be 12 million plus pounds of coffee going to the troops or probably 12 pounds for each dude... I don't know what Starbucks charges for a pound but I bet it is like $9.00... so you are seeing Starbucks suck the Christmas spirit out of people for $110,000,000 in sales.

You know something... fuck that.... That isn't the Christmas Spirit. The company need only take 5% of it's total take and give it to a good cause like amputees or other injured soldiers families. Or to the kids who had a parent die over there. 5% of what Starbucks takes on an annual basis is probably a billion or so and they are still shitting in tall cotton as a company.
That's bad capitalism and exploitation of people's giving.

I asked the dude if I could write it off on my taxes if I decided to come back...

So while waiting for my over priced liquid crack, the triple shot Latte... I am sitting there and I see this display of digital photography. They were cool photos and stuff. One had me fascinated. It was like $200 for each photo which I thought was extreme but the dude had taken a photo of the 16 street bridge at sunrise that crosses I think the American River here in Sactown. And I was staring at the photo letting my mind settle on the corporate prickism of Starbucks and I wondered about all the people that live under that 16th street bridge by the river on this cold day. Then this dude came up to me and he is like, "Hey, how's it going?" I looked at him with my expertise in sales like... that's the "Hey... can I sell you my photos?" line. I indicated that I was fascinated by the bridge photo on the river. And he goes yeah... it's pretty scary down there on the river in the morning. No shit dude...

I left... As I walked out I gazed through the front window of the Porsche. Elijah was waving at me. I sighed as I left the lot. I wondered if John was pissed when he found out Mary was pregnant with God's child? (I know it's Joseph.. but today it's John...so STFU)

With that... I'll go straight to hell...

Merry Christmas!!!
Have you hugged a liberal today?

It's A Two Post Sunday...

The Naked Coffee Lounge

Be sure to read the one one below this if you haven't already. I thought I'd write again about this. You know me and my coffee and my whole standing in line thing, driving an SUV, voting Republican... my son Elijah... yada yada yada...

Well, during half time of the 49er game, which they won in overtime 37-31 with a fumble recovery for a touchdown... I took Elijah with me for a cup of joe.

Been to this place many times, either late at night or early in the morning. Never mid afternoon on a Sunday. So I park the Porsche outside, hoist Elijah from his car seat and head inside. There was a grip of people in there. All college age... dark clothing... dreads.. multiple sexual preferences... free spirits and I am like "Holy Shit... I hope I don't get jumped by a stoner for my Keen sandals."

Anyhow... I walk in. Elijah has a bright yellow shirt on that says "Born to be spoiled" and red shorts... We just got out of the Porsche... we are screaming capitalism which ironically these people don't even though they outfill the Starbucks acrossed the street three to one and fresh herb is procured in the most capitalist of fashions through an underground network.

I get to the counter and order my Latte and then stupidly ask if they take credit because I have no cash. I am such a dumb ass. I got the kid... We're out of place. No one is staring at Elijah because he is cute they are staring at him like "Get that kid out of here before he shits and cries all over, conformist!"

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for my coffee (really like a minute) noticing the stares and then I left. I should have put Fred 08 bumperstickers on the ground or something.

Cool place...great coffee and tea, NOT FOR A 15 Month Old...