Does this dude write anymore???

Yeah... if I have something to write.

Almost a year ago... I went to the city of Carmel (not Caramel, Carmel) by myself. The trip was one of those... "I need to figure shit out" trips you take once in a while. I was in a bad spot. I was in considerable physical pain. I was in an unhappy marriage. I was severely depressed. I was pretty much hating life.

I went to Carmel because it was a place that I could just go and find some peace. I could take a time out and basically just drop out 3-4 days by myself. I wanted nothing more than to chill and figure things out.

One of the things I did was wander its beach. I walked up and down it barefoot for a few hours every day I was there. I even walked onto Pebble Beach Golf Course from the beach just to know the feeling of standing in the middle of that course. No one chased me off... just me and the 9th fairway.

I remember just staring out at the ocean... thinking about the future... Thinking where I was going next, like I was at the end of something and ready to take on the next challenge. I was a lost soul but I was already found. Or so I felt. But when I went home from this trip... things were totally going to be different from that point on. I was going to take control.

A surreal moment this past Sunday... almost a year later. I was standing on the beach, staring at the same ocean just a few miles north of Carmel. This time I had Elijah and my soul mate, Fara with me, and life could not be better.

I am such a dick!

So... I pull into this parking lot of this store with my clean vehicle. I had just washed it on Friday because that is what I do, wash cars.

Anyway... There was a poor fella with a bike outside the store looking for an "economic stimulus package" from me.

"Hey man... can I wash your windows?" He says.

Gazing back at the clean car... "Ha... not today sir, but thanks for the offer!"

I head into the store and get my stuff and head out.

"Sir..." the man says, "Can you help me out with some spare change?"

I figure I had some time... "Um... why do you ask?"

"Well... I am down on my luck and..." he goes on but I butt in..

"No... you ain't down on your luck. You want some change so you can head over to the liquor store and get yourself some Night Train or MD 20/20! Admit it..."

"You got me!" he says...

I am such a dick!

Febrile Seizures: Not that scary!

Well... it happened early this morning.

I woke up at 2 AM and Elijah was crying in his bed.  I went in and he was all sweaty.  I thought for a moment that he just had a bad dream or something.  I comforted him back to sleep...  Half asleep myself, I stumbled back into my bed and was out.

Only to be woken a 1/2 an hour later by his cries, "Elijah sleep in Daddy's big bed!"  

Okay...  So I picked him up and when I walked by the bathroom I saw in the mirror he was flush red.

I gave him motrin and unzipped his jammies and cooled him down with a wash rag for about 10 minutes.  He was calm... I was calm.  I left him unzipped and threw him in bed with me.

He cried for a pillow and blanket and went back to sleep.

About 3-3:15AM, I hear the loudest shriek in my ear.  It was Elijah...  I flipped over and saw his eyes rolled back in his head, gasping for air and spitting everywhere.

Well...  Been there before.  The 5 seconds of panic from waking like that went to, Elijah is having a seizure.  Really... the only thing you can do after witnessing this 4 times now is comfort him.  He is gonna seize for a minute and you are not going to like what you see in your little boy's eyes.  You have to keep thinking he will come out of it and you hold them so they get through it.

I just held him as he slowly stopped and just made sure he kept breathing which he did.  He completely passed out though and he was running a 101 degree temp in his arm so he was probably much hotter inside.  I took off his jammies and cooled him with wet rags.  I tickled his feet and hands to make sure he moved them and I talked to him and he responded but he was out.  15 minutes later... We were both asleep.  He was hyperventilating before the seizure a bit and I had not really noticed before but now in retrospect.  He woke breathing calmly this morning at 7:30.  I got him dressed and he played like normal and it was just 4 hours later.  

I have been wondering though all day if he had a couple in his own bed which is why he cried out initially.  The doctors keep telling us... This is normal... This is normal... This is normal...

To see him walk out of Starbucks this morning with his cup of apple juice put a tear in my eye.

I love the little guy.