Guitar Hero Ruins Musicianship

As Stan's Mom points out clearly... "if they spend half the time learning a real instrument instead of learning the game who knows what they can accomplish."

I feel sorry for Stan's Dad when he shows the kids how to play a real guitar and he is called "gay" for it. Though... I am also showing my age. How can you say Guitar Hero is real? It's fake. It's a bunch of role playing, button pushing and quite frankly... It's stupid. You push a couple of buttons for points. What about the energy it takes to sit and learn say, "Lie In Our Graves" by Dave Matthews or "Ain't Talking About Love" by Van Halen? I know what it took for me to learn those songs. And quite frankly (again) it's something I can do at anytime and impress the shit out of my friends. But actually... I think it is more rewarding to know I can do that...instead pushing some buttons. It's different than other Xbox games

Now...something that really pisses me off. This new tid bit from Gibson. Automatic guitar tuners? What the hell is this coming too!! $900 to add this onto an already expensive Les Paul to keep it in tune... I don't know if I like this. This isn't what music is about. I mean... Eddie Van Halen must be shitting on himself because he has said in countless articles that to truly tune a guitar is impossible. All the strings are Perfect 4th apart in pitch which is the easiest interval for the human ear to pick up and learn. (Perfect 4th is the two note guitar part in verses of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana) It's all perfect 4ths except for the interval between the G and B strings which is a Major 3rd. This "problem" causes the B string to be frequently out of tune in certain chords. Eddie flattens the pitch by ear when he tunes his guitars and stays away from playing the open B string with out fretting it some where. I do slightly the same thing because it makes the open C chord and F barre chord, major and minor sound better. It's more in tune.

The other thing I find difficult is how can this guitar pick on the change of air pressure and heat that cause your guitar to go out of tune in the first place. If you are rocking out with a electric guitar your guitar gets a little warmer because your hands are running up and down the fret board. Plus the ambient temperature changes, especially if you play on stage at the local bar. The more people that come it the warmer it gets and the farther flat your strings go because of the heat. That's why when a band like U2 plays, they have like 20 guitars on the side of the stage for Edge to pick from. If you watch there is always someone tuning a guitar back stage when a guitar guru like that is playing. The guitar tech is constantly battling this back stage. Does the guitar get in tune better when a bunch of sweaty frat boys come into a bar to see the local punk band?

Gibson should just leave well enough alone. They make a great product already that is unmatched in sound quality and tone. Why fuck it up with some electronic bullshit that will probably not work.

Also... I have officially banned myself from EVER playing Guitar Hero. It's stupid... lame and really does not make you a better person. It just gives you callouses and bad dexterity and improper posture. Learn a real instrument. It's more rewarding...

One More Hill

Greg Graffin from Bad Religion

It's a cheesy video, but the only one I could find with this song

I think about myself and my own situation. I struggle. I struggle with living a life to its fullest. The way you live is mostly in your control and the rest is dumb luck. When you are a kid you have aspirations. Who doesn't have desire to be a great person? I, at one time, had strong desire to be a successful musician. The desire came when I was 14 years old. I don't know why. Maybe it was the struggles of adolescence or moving to a new place and having to adapt. Something hit me at that age and I just worked at it every. I picked up a brass horn and played it 2 hours a day. I learned. I studied. I worked on rhythm. I shaped myself into something pretty good by 16 and great by 18. I just played and played until I was good enough to be in the California State Honor Band and get a scholarship to college for it. I wasn't necessarily book smart but I made the grades and became something. And then I went to LA to make it with music either as a performer or the business guy behind it. To be that top guy some where. And it all came crashing down in 7 short months. I was 23. The music in me that I grew kind of died. All that energy I amassed in 9 years sort of left and I fell into the comfort position of the job I have now. That was 10 years ago.

I sort of made the discovery the past week that this whole pain thing I am dealing with is possibly psychological. (Teeny is going DUH!!) I believe now that I am making myself hurt. I have hurt for the better part of 5 years. Ever since that concussion in 2002. All those headaches. Even back to my very first post, 472 posts ago. I am not getting better. Drugs aren't making me better. All that acupuncture bullshit I put myself through. The shots in the spine. The MRI's, the Spinal Taps and the physical therapy. I am coming to the realization that it is all bullshit. It's probably some deep seated depression I just need to get the fuck over.

I am going to be 34 in 28 days. I need to somehow go find that guy I was at 23 and wake his shit up. What the hell was I doing? I did everything and anything I wanted from the time I was 14 until I was 23 out of sheer drive. That and I just didn't see to care about the consequences of failure because that was not an option. I don't feel that drive. I am more or less watching the wheels go around. I need to step into a cold shower after a late night of partying. I don't necessarily need the music thing back... I just need the energy I felt being on top of my little world. When I walked out of college I was unstoppable. Naive as all hell yes... but unstoppable. I think getting that energy back will bring back to keep climbing one more hill.

One More Hill is one of my favorite song and Greg Graffin does an awesome performance on the album. "If you think you have reached the top of the world. Just look all around and you'll see."

The album is great. Buy it.

Santa And His Ho's

You gotta be freaking shitting me!!!

See above link. Normally I'd copy that link and post it on my new blog "Steve's Word" that you, my loyal reader, does not read because I track that shit.

Okay, our liberal friends down in Australia want to end the myth of Santa by replacing the "Ho Ho Ho" with "Ha Ha Ha". Why? Because apparently the word Ho is offensive to women. How do they know this? Did they poll the women? Is there a contingent of women out there who cry every Christmas when they visit the mall and see this giant dude saying ho ho ho when he is having is picture taken with little boys and girls? Is this sub-conscious oppression from when these women were awkward teenagers forced to have their picture taken with Santa with their little brothers against their will from an over bearing parent who can't seem to accept that their kids are getting older?

What is this world coming to when we ban tradition in the face of something the most remotely offensive especially when it has to do with something completely harmless and filled with all good like Santa Claus. The liberal assault on Christmas has now gone global. Pretty soon if the libs have their way there will be no Christmas at all because of their fear of Christians, Christianity and all religions related specifically to Christianity. That means no holiday season, no Christmas songs and no hurt feelings at family get togethers between siblings who haven't spoken all year. What the liberals forget however is that Christmas has actually nothing to do with the birth of Christ. Christianity just took over a pagan holiday. A holiday where cultures for eons got together to celebrate the new year around the winter solstice with feasts and gifts. It's a holiday as symbolic as burying our dead. However assigning Jesus's name to it has made Christmas what it is today and how we enjoy it. If you want to really get after Santa and his ho ho ho's blame the Coca Cola Corporation who came up with the the most recent image of Santa in the late 19th century. It is the red and white image of Santa as a jolly old fat man with rosey cheeks and a long white beard that we all love in Santa that coincidentally is the color of the Coca Cola logo. So besides the liberal hatred of religion, it is the liberal hatred of corporate influence and corporate wealth of the global economy is the real reason for the complete shut down of Christmas in the next few years. This will be a serious detriment to our children because the world will not have a season to which they care about the lead and GHB content of our childrens Fisher Price toys. It will just be December 25th, just another day for everyone else, but me... because it is my birthday. <---my number 2 most searched post on this blog.

If I hear Santa yelling ha ha ha instead of ho ho ho at the mall this year, I am going to beat his ass for being a conformist and liberal who will probably vote for Hillary next November.

Such A Caring Guy...

I never regularly read my horoscope. No reason really... I find horoscopes to be so arbitrary and vague that if you read one, any one of them and even if it is under another sign, you can make it your own.

Today on Yahoo, my mouse cursor rolled over this:

Capricorn (12/22-1/21)

You must regard a person you don't like as someone who is as deserving as you are.

What the hell is this? I don't hate a lot of people, Hillary Clinton and actually I can't say that I really hate anyone. True I have some competitors in my field that I can say I hate, but I don't wish them ill will because in the industry I am in, they may be working along side me in a few years. I think in those people what I dislike the most is when they succeed through ineptness. But really, "I wish them well" as my wife would say in a situation where she might reach the sometimes moral crossroad of classifying someone as a like or dislike.

When I dive into the idea of ineptness I think about the social issues people latch onto. The social issues that make up the people; the issues that actually develop them into a class of people. Vegetarians for example. I think vegetarianism er uh, even veganism is a truly honorable and passionate life style choice for people. It is a social thing, but it is a lifestyle people choose to be healthy and supportive of the animal world. They choose first to eat healthy, but the reason that backs it up to begin with is, and hear a lot them say this, is that they don't eat things with a face. Cows, chicken, fish... even eggs. And then a step further, they won't consume any dairy products; cow or goat. Animal cruelty truly becomes the cause that supports the foundation of their lifestyle. At some point it is more than their own health, rather its for a cause. Support of a cause starts to define you into a class of people.

Typically, people that live like this are part of a bigger class of people. There are some conservatives that live like this. But the majority are liberals. Not eating animals is considered "new age" or "cutting edge", even... dare I say spiritual. Spiritual in a sense that one is not conforming to some almighty God, but rather in a sense, of say Buddhism where one feels as they are more apart of this great big planet we live on. A sense of community and righteousness of how things should really be without all this chaos in the world. It's not a religion, but a spiritual well being, suffice to say... well being that becomes purity. It's this side of liberalism where one decides to be an activist. Activism good or bad, is what propels us forward as a society from either aspect. Without activism there would be no conservation of our resources. Transversely, without activism, there'd be no war. Humans are fallible... They cannot always decide right from wrong. They must live first.

Yet, I find one thing that totally conflicts with this earthy, oneness, vegan lifestyle: The Pro-Choice movement. The right to choose to destroy life, a human... All these people live for is to be healthy and caring for animals around the planet. Whales, Michael Vicks dogs, the protest at the local KFC... all they live for is to protect and defend life that is not human. And then, will turn around and stand up and actively defend the right to destroy an unwanted human life. It totally conflicts with the vegan lifestyle er uh, the vegans who are pro choice. Their compassion is lost right there because they totally conflict with animal life preservation. I could almost envy the spiritualism that vegans have but it is suddenly lost the moment they want to allow the taking of a human life, simply because it's unwanted. It's unjust and not right. It is in fact, morally reprehensible. It is this ineptness of the vegan lifestyle that my horoscope at the top is asking me to treat as deserving. But it does not deserve my attention. A lifestyle that conflicts with humanity and the morality of the right thing is not worthy of my attention.

Time out.... Time out... Time out...

I got you... I got all of you reading this. This entire post is bullshit. I thought about this last night before I sat down to write this today. Could I write a post that was purely over the top? Purely one-sided that steer one direction and one direction only. Yeah... Quite easy for me. If I take the time, I can hook someone with a passionate piece of writing. Anyone in fact can do this. This goes to the Penn & Teller video I have posted below. It is not similar though. On the one hand, I got some of my readers to agree with me. On the other hand, I got most of my readers really pissed off at me. This is the blogger's biggest problem and why this blogging thing is so screwed up. All these sites spring up that are overtly opinionated. And then the opinion of the writer gathers some steam. A few people spot it and hang on. At that point, a good writer with an ego or who deep down inside is full of himself... which I am guilty of, and Teeny is going, '"I know, seriously" can take on a messiah complex. Everyone wants to be a messiah even if no one is really listening. The scary thing is when someone is. When someone is hooked on every word that guy says. There are millions of blogs out there and there are thousands of them saying careless shit all over the internet. What scares me is that we as a society may steer ourselves away from what is reality because of some "free thinkers" out there from both sides of the political, social and ideological landscapes without as knowing. Free speech is a wonderful thing and I hope that right is never taken from me. But I think sometimes, we all got to sit back and wonder what we are saying to each other.

I wish you all well today.... :)

Wow!

Dana Carvey SNL Gerald Ford Is Dead - Watch more free videos

I had the opportunity to witness one of Tom Brokaw's public speeches today in Denver. It was a bit interesting. One of the things I pulled out of it was how American's no longer communicate with each other. With this whole internet world that even I am totally hooked on, he pointed out how America is just polarizing itself with this whole liberal/conservative thing. How the elections is just bought by the politicians and the money they raise. And how we don't get anything done because we don't communicate in a common language. Baby Boomers and their parents don't talk to young people the same way they talk to each other. It's all text pages, Blackberry's, cellphones and blogs with the youngsters and no stories about how the generation did it after World War II. How we sit and fight over the war and never realize that the people fighting it volunteered to do it. How America only works if we accept that we are centrists and not these crazy ideologies.

He backed it up with his stories of sleeping in a cargo container in Pakistan to cover the big earthquake they had a couple of years back. Or how he walked on Normandy with the soldiers who fought there on the 40th anniversary. He made me wonder why I tuned my grandmother out when she babbled on with her stories about the 1930's and 1940's. Or how we are short of Vietnam with the current war situation because were not yet hating our troops for fighting over there.

He was so right with everything he said.

I just turned my back and said, "Damn." when he was done. I had the nerve to answer my cellphone a few minutes later.

Where are we going in this world?

Back When Reality Hit Me

On the right is Pico Blvd, on the left is Santa Monica Car Wash and right behind me was Gilbert's El Indio Restaurant... One of my favorite places on the planet.

I spent most of today in Santa Monica, CA (doing what I do for a living). And all I did that was remotely productive was rekindle relationships and tell stories. I ran into some guy I worked at a car wash with back during my "lost summer" of 1996. Amazing how different were back then and how we got to where we are now. I looked right at him as I walked down the lot, "Rudy?" I said. "Steve...que pasa?" Wow! He was just a line worker 11 years ago and now he was running the place.

In June of 1996, I packed up my little red Toyota truck with some of my belongings and about $400 cash and headed south to seek my fame and fortune and look for that pot of gold in the music business. Hell I had a degree in music so figured they'd all back the f--- up when I hit the scene. I cannot believe how stupid and unafraid I actually was. During the spring before graduation, I went down to have an interview with RCA Records for an internship. That was a cool experience... can't remember what I exactly did but after that interview I headed to a car wash I knew and applied for a job at a car wash. I needed to support myself while I worked for free at the record company after graduation. I mean, washing cars is what I did in college and high school. I was quite good at selling detail services and hand waxes at the washes I worked at so, I had no problem making a little cash fast on the weekends while I busted my ass during the week.

That is until I altered my plans midway...

See... I cruised through the summer, working at the car wash (ooh ya...:) ) and filing paper at RCA. I grew quite bored. I wanted that job right away. The one that paid you know, $20K annually and gave me fun shit to do on the weekends. And I grew bored with the car washing stuff because that wasn't going to get me anywhere in life. Anywhere... Car Washing was an absolute dead end with no future whatsoever. Seriously. I wanted it now. $10 bucks an hour in the Mail Room... Done!!! So when I prematurely vacated my much sought after internship they didn't have a job for me. So here I was a full time car washer. I joined a temp agency and discovered I could type 40 words a minute. Never tested before. But this was the agency of the stars, man. First job, filing papers at MCA Records. Second job, filing papers at Hanna Barbara. Third job, back at HB. Fourth job, and I seriously could make this a post in and of itself, installing electronic components into some studio across the street from NBC in Burbank. Then I got a long term assignment, Universal Studios (filing papers). I got too comfortable and started living large on the weekends, then poof! The job ended. Two weeks later, I had to decide between paying some credit card bills and eating while I waited to get hired on as holiday help at Macy's for 6 bucks an hour.

I took my last $20 out of the bank that day and went up to Gilbert's El Indio. Had two margaritas and two enchiladas. I had to move back home to Mom and Dad the next week. But Gilbert's was the best place to spend that last little bit that day. Best Cheap Mexican Food on the planet. It was really surreal standing there looking at this sign and I quickly grabbed my camera. I snapped this picture and then stared at the sign for like five minutes. I had parked in the same spot with red Toyota about 11 years ago having my last meal in LA.

Reality was a bitch back then... But I eventually grew to love her.

A Couple of Updates

One... this is my 400th post!! (Big Whoop!)

Two... I have an addition to the Starbucks line because it happened today and I cannot believe I missed it. The one that walks in the door. Sees the line... muscles her way to the front, looks completely mystified... turns to the person behind her and says, "Are you next?" And then when you tell her you are, you are still pent up with rage and you are like, "YES, THANK YOU!!!" You try to squeeze her out of the way and she doesn't move. You are like on your tippy toes leaning into the space directly in front of the register to order your quadruple mega vente latte because she won't move. And it is completely oblivious that there are like 10 people who are "in line" before she was "next" before her. And she is blocking the pathway with her giant old lady purse to the counter where you pick up the coffee. She is both on the right and the left at the same time but is like 3 inches shorter than a doorknob Teeny. WTF!! Where do you go?

Three... It has been 5 days since the wicked accident out in the desert and I am in god awful pain. I can't move, stand or walk fast. It hurts to sit at my desk today and work but I am doing it. I took a grip of Advils at lunch. I am afraid to go the doctor in bloody pain because the dude will be like, "Are you like doctor shopping for medication? We just refilled your carbamazepine." Then I will have to piss in a cup or something to prove I ain't loaded. Then they'll ask if it happened at work and I'd be like, "Technically no, but technically yes..." I hopefully get out of picking up the boy from day care today. However, nothing makes me happier than walking into a room full of kids and the one with the biggest blue eyes sees you and comes running (crawling really) to you like Hyenna with rabies. The smile, the happiness and the snot flying around the room is totally amazing because I am: Dad

Four...

Thanks to tos, my thoughts are really mixed about "Sicko".



And five...

For lawryde...


3 Ways The Net Keeps You From Scoring - Watch more free videos

Wow...

Steve Sees "Sicko" And Actually Likes It

Okay... even though I am heartless Republican with fake morals and inconsistent allegiance to a "God", I think people should go see this movie and be a judge yourself. Besides how can you refute "liberal evidence" without hearing it.

The result of the movie is rather shocking.

Some spoilers...

They start with this old man who sliced off the top of two fingers on a table saw. Without insurance one would cost $60K and the other would cost $12K to repair. Needless to say he chose the $12K one. I was totally skeptical at this point. One being, if you can't have both why repair one? It was just the tips of his fingers. Two, the table saw he showed us was 30 plus years old with no rip fence, no blade guard AND he admitted to cutting through a knot in the wood. Three rookie moves. He obviously HAD NO IDEA on how to use the saw properly but that is not what Michael Moore picked apart. It was the only instance in the entire movie, except for the guy who tried to cross Abbey Road, walking on his hands and dislocating his shoulder where the person being hurt was more guilty than the doctor's office. Stupid is as stupid does.

The other one that got me was the lady with the infant with 104 degree temperature. As a member of Kaiser myself, Kaiser has a "plan" when your infant gets that temperature and you would learn this in the baby classes they offer for free. And when you call Kaiser and "you think you have a medical emergency" they tell you to call 911 or to go to the nearest hospital. A lady took her sick child to the nearest hospital and once the hospital contacted Kaiser, Kaiser denied payment in the emergency room and kicked the lady and child out and the child died. Well... In this case, I believe it wasn't a insurance issue. It was stupidity and though this lady lost her child I am totally sure she is rich beyond her wildest dreams. That is if this lady's story is as true as Moore stages it for him. If the lady is following an instruction that Kaiser leaves on their phone system, end of story... The other hospital should have treated the kid. The REAL problem I think though: The lady was black. I don't think we treat people of color very well in this country. And that is not a Republican issue, it is an American issue.

The other part that scared me is my recent health issues. I have a feeling I am a drain on Kaiser's resources with my MRI's and CT Scans and copious amounts of medicine. I am sure what I am taking is like $1000 a bottle or something. The scary part is if I try to leave Kaiser for a better deal or because I moved or if I wanted to get a second opinion and see what I really have going on. That is scary shit! According to Michael Moore's movie.

Some more parts where he compares Canada's, England's and France's medical systems to our own is a bit of movie magic but truthfully is a bit disheartening when you think about ours. Some facts Moore leaves behind:

• America has a military presence in Europe, ready to defend against first, Communism taking over from the East and now Terrorism from countries like Iran and Syria. Granted we went into Iraq (and really could have been out if we used more bombs) when Iran poses a greater threat but still we have a presence in that part of the world. Case in point, our bases in Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic.
• America spends more not only defending it's country but defending the world. Our nose is everywhere for good or bad. We are supporting Taiwan, South Korea, countries in Africa, Israel. We defend the seas, the air and the planet from most threats (sans Darfur). We are not just defending America. That shit costs money.
• As a percent of GNP we don't actually give in much aid as other other countries and you can find countless charts where America looks like it doesn't give shit. But if you added in military presence to keep up the flow of trade (and oil) throughout the world, we spend more than anyone.

In all, I think we helped countries like Great Britain and France get where they are because we helped them get back going after WWII. No one helped us, but no one devastated our country with bombs and murder. We stopped that war. And then we fought and stopped the Cold War. And we got the world through the oil crisis in the 1970's. And now we are taking on the brunt of terrorism (outside of Iraq too). No wonder we do not have the funds for health care and all the perks that France has. Moore leaves all this out just to say, "Hey, those countries have free medical care and we don't". Maybe we could do it and maybe we could do it right, but we cannot speculate on what we don't have and how it will effect this country.

I have been listening to the Reagan Diaries on my iPod in the evenings. One of the things Reagan says countless times in his diaries is how Congress was controlled by the Democrats for 45 years and they still could not put together a balanced budget. Reagan spent all that money on defense yes but he also attempted to balance the budget at the same time. Makes you wonder.

Lastly, Moore talks about all the free perks all of these countries get, including Cuba. Yet, we still pay $9.00 to see his movie. If it was such a radical and important issue, why charge us? And instead of picking on the system, a man with his power and money should do more about it. But we'll continue to see his movies because it makes us feel better. Sicko is as good as Bowling for Columbine and way better than Fahrenheit 911

Steve Involved In A Wicked Car Accident

I was driving today in Arizona. It was hot like 107 degrees. I was in a sports-type car and so I was going kind of fast for the conditions. I was weaving in and out of corners just passing people left and right, a lot of them just really didn't know how to drive. Well, I came around this really tight corner and this lady spun out in front of me. She totally got sideways and like I had nowhere to go. I thought quick and I threw my car into the guard rail hoping to make it through and BAM!!! I was T-Boned at 35 mph by the car behind me. I almost flew out of the car because it was open top. I had a four point harness on though and THANK GOD for the helmet!!

I was able to straighten out and get off the track. I was lucky. The guy that hit me is a piece of shit for doing so. That guy is big brother. And we were on the F-1 go kart racing track in Phoenix, AZ. He had his racing permit revoked for the day. I might forgive him but 30 minutes in the hot tub did nothing to help.

But the racing...

Dude... it was so rad. These go karts go like 45 mph. There was this tight track and we got two races on it. Centrifical clutch on the motor. A gas pedal and some brakes. Yeah what brakes. I was drifting in the fog like an Asian kid in Daly City, CA down Hickey Blvd. (Grow up in DC and you know what I am talking about) I was all giddy before we started. We had to take a race "class" on how to drive. We had a smock for the helmets so your sweat didn't make everything wet. Optional racing suits which we declined of course because we didn't want to look like fairies. I have a passion for driving cars fast and when I can get in a position to legally do so... I can get a car to move.

So there was like 10 of us. We all get in the cars. My brother got the pole position because of a random pick and I was 5th, which pissed me off. As soon as the green flag dropped I was gone. We had a rolling start and when green meant go, I freaking blew the doors off the car in front of me. All tight corners and chicanes. I found the line and soon I was behind my brother. The two of us roll it like we stole it. I'd pass him and the asshole would cheat and bump me into the wall over and over. This went on for like 15 laps until they called us in.

They judged the racing times by seconds per lap. I had the fastest lap out of 24, beating my brother by a full half second. He was pissed. He made up excuses like my car was faster or that his brakes didn't work right or that because I am smaller. (He's 6' 1" and maybe 220, which doubles Teeny both in height and weight, twice) I rarely used my brakes and all that tuning and racing I did a few years back on my 914 and the racing games on my XBOX 360 paid off. I flew around corners. Everyone would take them tight... I ran them deep to keep the speed up because of the engine clutch these things have. When you hit the brakes you lose revs and your engine dies. You keep the engine speed up and there is no stopping you. I got the thing to back fire a few times which was really cool. The line was definitely on the outside of the track.

So a half an hour later. The cars are in a different order so the faster car claim is gone. I am running 5th at the start so I still have to pass 4 people to get to the front and ahead of my brother. I don't have the same car. And still despite the accident (that the managers were pissed at my brother for) I beat my best time by a full second and again came in first. I ran this car harder. Sliding, smoking tires. It was great. All except for the crash. The admonished my brother and kicked him out.

In the championship race I lost by 7 tenths of a second. My time in the second race was the 4th best this week at this place.

My thumbs hurt. My back is totally fucked. I think I have whiplash. My wrists are killing me. After he hit me I sat on the track for like 5 minutes and then pulled off the track and sat there for another few. My co-workers had that look like, "Oh that dude is totally a jerk for doing that to him."

But it's okay... We go on these team events and if there is something to win, my brother always tries to win. He is ultra competitive. But I stuck him twice by a good margin. I had him.

I won.

7 Rules For Waiting In Line At Starbucks.

Okay... apparently the concept of waiting in line escapes people when they enter a Starbuck's to get their morning twitch cured. So I'd thought I'd write some rules down before I piss off the next client at this multi national juggernaut with my "move the F--- up, bitch":

1. When you are in line, you are "in line". Doesn't mean you exit, walk around the store to look at a shelf, greet a friend or take a leak. "In line" means you are waiting to be "next" at the register, plain and simple. And when you are "next" be sure you actually are "next". Most Starbucks have two registers going and you just may cut off the person that was really "next" because they reached to get a paper or CD (after they finally got to the counter and not beforehand).
   
2. Know your drink, period. A long line does not mean you ask about the different soymilk combinations they have when the barista calls on you for a drink. The menu rarely, if at all, changes. Ask your questions after you order... for next time. There are no trade backs. You are there because you are an addict. A meth head does not ask the dealer if he has cherry flavored syringes. Look up this shit online if you want to know.
   
3. Be alert. I know you are at Starbuck's because you are still asleep. However, pay attention!! The line can suddenly move forward. Note if anyone is wearing a construction vest in front of you, they are there for a basic cup of coffee and not some foo foo pussy drink. Usually these guys come in packs. If seven of them are in line in front of you, you'll be at the counter in a matter seconds. Also the Barista's have a habit of processing drink orders up the line. Don't be the one with the person behind you going, "Uh... sir... Um... sir, SIR!!!" while frantically pointing forward.
   
4. Cellphones are like children: Don't bring them. If you have a child, you spend more time "in line" keeping them from the juice rack, coffee machines and cd's piled around the store, while yelling their names out every 10 seconds. It's just as embarrassing to us as it is to you because if we are right behind you, we look like "your husband, life partner or seed donor". Consequently if you are a cellphone guy (even if it is hands free and you look just like one of the bums outside begging for money, talking to yourself) you are just as guilty as the mother with the kids. Shut it off. Starbucks is the Utopia of Capitalism. You are no more and no less important because you have a phone in this world. The barista will call you "the asshole with the phone" when he is filling your cup under his breath when his helper says, "Who's this for?"
   
5. If you are at Starbucks to order drinks for the entire staff of your office, look behind you. If the person behind you is ordering one simple drink and there is no one else behind you or them, let them through first. It's like going to the check stand at the grocery store with a cart full a shit and letting the guy around with the six pack of beer. It's courtesy. It applies to Mochas as well as Safeway.
6. If you are treating 5 or 6 friends, ask them to clear out and find a seat if the store is busy. Nothing annoys anyone more when 6 of you are sitting around visiting while "in line" or "next". Take the drink orders. Don't make it complicated and keep moving forward. It's simple courtesy. We're not invited to your party so don't crash ours.
7. A lot of Starbucks offer stupid trivia games for a free shot of Espresso. This one is a bit complicated for some folks. If you don't like the "coffee taste" of your mocha anyway, don't freaking answer even if you know Darth Vader's original name. Starbucks is not going to cut the price of your drink because you can't handle the extra shot. And when you answer wrong. Don't freaking argue and beg for the free shot because "no one else got it right either". And if you need to feel more keyed this morning and the answer is completely obvious, like "Who just won the Super Bowl?" the day after it occurred, then dude... answer, don't hem and haw over it because you "get all the answers right on Jeopardy but never get the call from Mr. Trebek back" because you actually know the score too. Smile and say thank you, because they didn't need to give you free shit anyway.
   

This is all I got. Anyone else got anything annoying about waiting, comment below.

Ragdoll Physics Lesson

Car Blows Red Light And Crushes Biker - Watch more free videos
See what happens when you hurry to get an iPhone. Dumbass!!

The iPhone is the most over-rated device since the iPod (which my wife and I can't live without) and luxury SUV's that go faster than most cars on the road (Porsche Cayenne in driveway). I don't get it. I used maybe 3500 minutes last month on my phone (yeah two zeros). Perhaps I have enough gadgets on my phone since it's one of those Treo's with the keyboard and shit. I drove by a Verizon outlet today and there was a grip of people in line, waiting to drop $500 on one of these invaluable pieces of plastic.

I gotta lesson for you. That dude on the motor cycle should have worn his seat belt. The other lesson, wait until the 30 gig comes out people. A 4 gig will only hold two movies. That's it! You won't have room for other stuff like... pictures of your kids or porn. (And you know you need that... not me though because I am a Republican)

Anyhow... this fad should subside by Christmas. And next year there will be something better like a time warp machine so you can go back and make your life better like in that Bravery song below. You know you want to go back and punch that guy who was an ass to you in gym class.

Have a good weekend y'all!!

Time Won't Let Me Go...: Some Analytical Thought

This is a huge mask on reality. Some people will say this an awesome song. Some will say it's okay. Others will hate it.

But I think they have it right in the lyrics. Everyone one of us have regret of not doing something in there lives and that moment past them by. And the rest of their lives they are like, damn... I should have done that.... Especially in those lines, "I never had a Summer of 69, I never had Cherry Valance of my own. All these precious moments you promised me I'd have in time, So where was I when I had mine."

You know something, I had the Summer of 69 thing, but actually it really occurred in 1997 for me. And I married the "Cherry Valance" of my own. (Mushy) But the line that sticks out is that "All these precious moments that you promised me I'd have in time..." There are some ugly things in life that kids go through in there late teens/early twenties years where after high school it's all just "gonna happen" and it doesn't for them. The video really points out how fragile life is, with a card house. Wasting your life watching TV, not getting out there, asserting yourself. You know, being an engineer or a chemical salesman.

I reluctantly took my career job in 1997 at 23. I moved away from home for the third time. During that time, I thought time had passed me by. I thought time wouldn't let me go... back. Go back through college. Choose a different major other than music. Choose something that I would have had more fun with like communication or business (which would have helped in what I am doing now). I could have hung with different people or whatever. But, the reality is I am what I am. I suffered that year out of college between 1996-1997 thinking I knew what I wanted to do and the only preparation I took was to load up my Toyota pickup, head to LA and look for a job. It sucked. I faced a point in October of 1996 where I chose to eat instead of paying a credit card bill. Never want to go back to that time ever. So at 23... did I find myself? Was I stupid though, regretting the mistakes I made for a few years after that? I only realize over the last few years that the year after I came back from LA, I found myself and had the best summer ever. 1997. On June 15th, I had my 10 year anniversary with my company. 10 whole years at one place. Do I sing, Time Won't Let Me Go now? Hell no...

I still love all these songs these guys write. Every band, existing now or up and coming like The Bravery here. Once in a while, these songs make you really think. No matter who writes them, what style they are in or what ever. Its obvious these guys (or gals) come from a more fucked up perspective than I ever will.

(But will my older sister in law actually click on the video this time :) )

Great TV in the Making!!!

You guys see what's going on?

As you all know, after 35 years, Bob Barker retired from The Price Is Right. God bless the man too. All those models he banged... All those fans he had loved him to death. He is/was a TV icon of huge proportions.

And then along comes Rosie O' Donnell.

"Oh hello, I WANT THAT JOB", she says on her blog. (To which I refuse to link her... go use "the Google" if you want to see it--and why is there a picture of Michelle Wie, first???)

I say... LET HER HAVE THE JOB.

I think it would be awesome to take a show like The Price Is Right which is nothing short of pure, controlled Capitalism and Consumerism and mix it with the star of extremist liberalism and socialist ideology.

Can you imagine this?

Totally gotta keep the Hole In One game but now it's sponsored by the LPGA.

Every contestant would get medical and health benefits for the time they appeared on the show for free. It would be remitted as cash back to them if they never used it.

You can take a game like Plinko and instead of winning money, you'll give what you win to the poor soul in the back of the audience that did not make up there because they were late or couldn't afford a ticket or because they were handicapped or too gay for TV.

Then you'll have wheel thing they spin for the showcase showdown and if the mid 30's white guy some how made it that far onto the show (since the show was now loosely based on Affirmative Action) he'd get only one spin and the old, retired, illegal alien would get three spins if they needed it. And that rule would be clearly explained to that individual in their native language that the mid-30's white guy would have no idea how to read or understand because he grew up speaking and reading our "official" English language in school.

And then once the Showcase Showdown would start... The prizes would be reviewed in three different languages, including sign. And there would be a Braille thing with smell that someone could attach to the TV. The winning car would be a Prius with a trailer hitch to pull a small one person sailboat with no room. All the furniture would be from IKEA and it would be pre-assembled by non-Christian, homeless shelters bought and paid for with tax payer money: from San Francisco.

So go on... hire Rosie O. Make my dream of a better America a reality. Besides... I want to see another trainwreck!!

Another Mean Post...

Flew home from Seattle this afternoon and I must say, the Seattle to Sacramento flight is one of the best views if you are stuck in a window seat.

It would have been even better though if the old lady in front of me would have learned how to shut up!

First off, she told her husband that the next time she went to Alaska, she wanted to see icebergs and that she did not want to wait another 30 years to get to go. Doh! Zing! Yeeouch!! I'd file for divorce like right there or at least crack her upside the head.

Then, after noticing that we were totally boarded she wanted to know why we weren't leaving. She had all these thoughts that she spoke out loud like, "I bet not all of the luggage is not loaded." Or "There's something wrong up front." Or some other lame excuse. The funny part is when she looked back out the window and said, "Oh we can't leave because those planes are on the runway and we shouldn't back."

I sighed... Looking at my watch with like 10 minutes to spare before the scheduled take off.

So we were off... And I thought we were done. Especially when the drink cart came out and she had her white zinfandel with the screw top.

The cool thing about this flight is that it goes right over the Cascades. You see Mt. Rainier at takeoff. What's left of St. Helens, Mt Hood, Shasta... Lassen all the way down.

She's like, "Look everyone Shasta Lake. We're getting close!!!" All loud and energetic.

I am thinking, no dipshit... That's actually Crater Lake.

The whole left side of the plane of old people coming over to the right side of the plane to gasp and ahhh at Crater Lake and this old bitch is insistant that we're over Shasta Lake.

"Ding... this is your captain, if you look out the right you can see Crater Lake".

"Oh..." the lady says, "It's Crate Lake, look everyone..."

I shook my head in disbelief as I looked at my calendar on my Treo.

So some time passes and we actually get over Shasta and then the lake the whales were trying to get to, 250 miles north of Sacramento.

Her husband rightfully points out Shasta and then the lake.

So there is some silence... we're descending and we come across this big city and she goes, "Hey look it's Rocklin and Sun City."

Finally I am done with the stupidity of announcing geographical landmarks and I say forcefully," That's not Rocklin or Sun City... That's Yuba City and how you can tell is that old mountain range called the Sutter Buttes that's right outside of town off of Hwy 20 to Colusa.., Rocklin is 50 miles away on the other side of the plane, OK!!!"

She turns around and looks at me... I just stared forward like nothing happened.

This kind of crap really pisses me off!!

Radio Shack: Steve Vents...

Can someone please tell me why the hell Radio Shack needs to know every bit of personal information about you when you buy something?

What the hell?

I got this new camera right? And I am down in San Diego and I took a photo of something and I really needed to send it out tonight. Well... So I get back to my room and my card reader stopped reading my camera card. So I looked up Radio Shack and punched the address into my Streets and Trips thing and BAM!! There was one right over the hill.

So I zoom in there with my rental car, the... Pontiac Grand Prix... woo hoo, Good Times... And I ran into the store.

At the register is a assistant manager, a regular worker and some customer reading the warranty of some open box iPod thing. I found what I was looking for and took it to the register.

I put the item down and present my credit card.

"Name," the assistant manager says.

"Uh... Steve..." I say.

"Last name, " he says.

"Um... Dude, you like totally have my credit card... I am sure it is the same."

"LOOK!!!" he says, "I just need your name in case you lose your receipt and need to return this item."

What a bullshit excuse I am thinking as I tell him my explosive last name.

"Address?" he says.

"Um... Dude? What are you doing? I don't even live here... I live like 600 miles away... If I break the thing, I'll come back and buy another one... It's 10 bucks!! The picture I need is worth $100's more to me..."

He interrupts, "We need this data from our customers to send them special offers and..."

So I interrupt, " Okay... look! I just got off work, I tried to load my camera into my computer and it failed. My first instinct was to find Radio Shack on Google near my hotel. As soon as I found this location, I hopped into that 3-day old, puke grey Pontiac outside and drove straight here. I could have easily have run up to Fry's Electronics on the next block but their customer service is way more screwed up than yours."

"Credit or debit," He says.

"Credit, " I say, knowing that he's getting screwed out of 3% of the sale from VISA by me saying credit and not debit.

"Can I see your ID?" He says...

Then a revelation hit me. I could have said I was Tony Masselli from Brooklyn but now living as a house keeper in Connecticut because he'd never look at my card and see that my name was different so what the hell could he have done?

I give up... Those bastards!

My God!! What Have I Done!!

Since manini mentioned my sidebar profile I thought I'd post the song to give an explanation.

I think we all go through life feeling each one of these things David Byrne talks about, how we question ourselves at each stage and then expressing our guilt over it. This song may be a little old for the lawryde clan with their Nirvaners and their Rages against the Machiners or what ever you people listen too. (You people...lol) I wanna get an over-sized suit and 3 friends and go as the Talking Heads for Halloween with me being David Byrne of course. Then once everyone discovers how cool we are... we'll break up and leave the party!! Anyone see them at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame? Almost as gripping as Pink Floyd at Live 8. (Waters looked pissed off)

Anyhow for the rest, I am sick... again... for the 4th time in 6 weeks. So it goes stomach flu, then bronchitis then to a mild stomach flu and finally the big case of bronchitis. I think have like 7 active prescriptions. I am like an old woman... sans the hormone pills. But it's all good. I am happy.

D-Day is Thursday. More on that in hopefully graphic detail on Thursday morning!! Let's just say it involves a 6 inch needle and my spine!!!

Heroes: I Am A Closet Fan

Yeah... I am a closet fan. I am coming out to my readers and saying hey, I freaking enjoy the show "Heroes". Monday's episode turned a great series into a classic series. Sure (and I won't spoil it) we watched how each episode darts back and forth between each character's storyline all leading up to this big event. And we've waited for what 10 weeks now for Hiro Nakamura to get that sword which he still does not have. That story line alone is turning me into a kid again. The kid I was when I saw Voltron or something the first time.

Nothing prepared me for what I saw in Episode 17, "The Company Man". We saw the origins of Claire, her father and the Haitian. But what the hell was Hiro's father(George Takai from Star Trek) doing in that flashback? Any speculators out there? Does he know Hiro's power? We know who Claire's real father is. And where will she go from here?

Uggh... I can't wait. It's like weekly crack, and I want it so bad. The suspense is killing me. If you haven't watched you can see all the episodes on nbc.com for free.

Rocky Balboa... The Enduring Hero and My Parallel Universe

(Disclaimer: I will not be spoiling the movie so keep reading. I will say any movie critic, who thinks they are worth anything, is severely fucked in the head if they bash this movie. Yes you are entitled to your opinion and SO AM I!!!!)

Now to the post...

Okay, I went and saw Rocky Balboa tonight. I wasn't the only male in the theater who fits the 20-40 age demographic that grew up on Rocky movies. I think I actually saw the first one when I was three. I saw Rocky II later on but never remembered being in the theater. When I was 9, I saw Rocky III minutes after I saw painful rear ender along the El Camino Real in Millbrae. (Semi into a tan Olds: The Olds lost) I remember them actually showing a cartoon before the movie and I remember seeing Hulk Hogan for the first time. (We didn't have cable) And I saw Rocky 4 with an old friend when I was 12 and later saw 5 when I was like 17 or something.

On Monday, I'll turn 33... (Yeah Christmas but that's for another post) The theme of the movie that stuck: Age. (Okay... no spoilers)

There is one line though, and this doesn't spoil the movie where Rock says "Time moves too fast, too quickly..." And Paulie says, "Time doesn't move fast enough". This is reality to me sometimes. I mean seriously, this is as real of a thought as it gets.

We go through life thinking of all the things we could have done, whether it'd be how we played a sport, something we said that we could not take back in the moment or a seemingly small decision we have made in our lives that had huge repercussions later on. And you can choose to sit back and dwell on these little things. Me... dwelling on the past is a beast of burden. I think a lot about the times where I was picked on in 8th Grade for something as stupid as being from the big city because there is just a meanness in this world. And how much that laid into me as I grew up. How on one hand I made myself stronger by overcoming what I thought was a huge obstacle but at the same time I really had no control over. I still can't let the past go in a lot of situations. In all seriousness, I want to be part of the crowd but I find the crowd suffocating at the same time. A crowd makes me nervous because I fear people so much, yet I want to be there to be the life of the party, to be one with confidence.

Control is something in life we all strive for. Whether it is with money, or a relationship. The well being of a significant other or even something as trivial as our Health Care plans. Control is what makes us really who we are as people. We have what we have because of our control on life. Control makes us happy. When we lose control over something however, that is what we ultimately hang our hats on, what pulls at our hearts, destroys ourrelationships with people and ultimately lack of control is what we succumb to... Hopefully much later in life as possible.

What I found in the movie theater was interesting. Here you had this emotionally deep movie going on. Some laughter from the crowd but the thing I noticed and I had only seen this in a theater once (Fight Club), everyone my age and demographic was up in their seat, on the edge... leaning foward. And even though the fight sequence wasn't until the end (how could that spoil it?) it was like we were watching Rocky's fight for survival, for what made him actually... real. A real fight... the actually boxing match is just a metaphor.

It's hard to imagine a fictious character, totally made up in Hollywood with millions at stake, to walk out of the screen and become real but after 6 movies Rocky did. Now it'd be easy to sit here and say that for the rest of my life I am gonna stand up to the pressures of life or my new found fatherhood or that God awful pain in my back that has been driving me nuts for the past year and be like Rocky and just endure, "push forward" or simply stand toe to toe with challenges and say, "I AM".

The hardest part is actually doing it.

The reward is the pain or angst you do get facing the fear. The outcome is ultimately what we strive to have.

Wouldn't you be happy to walk out of life on your terms, knowing what you did was your best? I'm glad Rocky did...

Will there be a 7? Maybe some day... I hope Rocky's story never ends.

Psychology of Steve, Part 2

Well... I had my second run in with a psychologist yesterday for all the pain that riddles my body daily. He's like... "Yeah that Vicodin, those sleep aids... They really don't do anything for you."

Yeah...ok... What is it with psychogists... they think they know everything. ('sup Tina!)

So, now I get to get hooked up with electrodes and sit in a chair for like a 1/2 hour to see if I relax at all. I really am not a stressful person, I am just difficult to be around in large doses. (Heh)

Then after Christmas, I get to go to a sleeping class to learn how to sleep more good. (lol more good) Apparently 3-4 hours I get a night aren't good enough. I swear to God, they re-run Blade Trinity on HBO like 4 times a week after 1 AM. I have seen it like 8 times now but never once all the way through. I turned it on the other day and I am like, "Hmmm... wasn't that blind chick in American Pie, why haven't I seen her before?"

Anyhow... back to the suck...

Toodles...

The Beer Incident

Tina, a frequent commentator on this blog, brought up how my treatment of people can affect my Karma (Id really, but...). She reminded me of a true story from around 11 years ago when I was in my final year in college. It'd be a great addition to bring story to this blog.

Here goes...

Back in 1996, before Kristen and I were, ahem, Kristen and I, there was an incident at a bar, at a ski lodge up in Calaveras County called Bear Valley. See, back then Kristen and I were "just friends". In fact, we really weren't even that yet. We were basically school mates that lived in the same dorm complex, who hung out with the same people. It was spring break and we were both home in Calaveras County with our families. We both were into music and guitars and we liked to jam together. Kristen plays. In fact, you could drop her in with the Pixies, The Cure or the Smashing Pumpkins and you could not tell the difference. So over the break we decided to get together and I would head 70 miles up the mountain to her parents house to jam.

While up there, we decided to head up to the snow and get a drink up at the bar. This bar brews its own beer called Snowshoe. It was a fun little trip up there. I think we rode in her old Ford Tempo up there because it was 4 wheel drive or something. Anyhow... I remember rocking out to Pumpkins all the way up there. Cool Stuff...

Anyhow, the ski season was winding down and there were quite a few people in this little bar. It was mid-afternoon. A lot of older people were there. They weren't old, they just were "older". Anyhow, so I go to the bar and ask the keep for some of the Snowshoe Red Ale. Certainly, he says..."but can I see your ID".

I complied...

There was this lady next to me, laughing and having a good time and she sees the keep, checking my license.

"Hey," she says, "How come he didn't check my ID?"

I go... "BECAUSE YOU'RE OLD!!!!"

She sat there, jaw dropped to the ground, much farther than Kristen's....

Then I look at her and say, "Seriously!!"