If You Keep Reading, I'll Keep Ranting...

This post revisits many of my more famous themes from posts like, The Starbucks line, Verbal Assaults in parking lots regarding my choice of vehicle and my personal favorite Elijah.

Okay... so last night, the first night in say, 3 weeks that I went to sleep at a normal hour on my own power... only to wake up at 2:30AM. I put on CNN on sling box on my laptop so I can bore myself back to sleep. Nothing more boring than an early morning Lou Dobbs replay. The reality is though, I turned on Fox so I can anticipate the big Mitt Romney speech and learn more about the crazy fuck with the AK-47 in Omaha. (I guess if you leave all the pieces in close proximity, a kid will grab a gun and go to town... So sad this kind of stuff happens). I went back to sleep at 3 and woke up at 7 when I heard the doors slam.

Anyhow fast forward to reality... I got out of bed at 8 forgetting DW was taking the day off to relax. It's actually cool because I got to take the Cayenne to Starbucks for a cup of my liquid elixir. So I roll in and just like a movie, there was a parking spot right in front. I always call that spot the "movie spot" because when a car rolls up on a business in a movie they always get to park in front. You never get to see them run in the rain across the parking lot, dodging cars and splashing through puddles.

My cell rings and it's Elijah's day care. The nice lady there is asking me to come by and look at Elijah's finger. He somehow got it caught in a door. It sounded a hell of a lot worse than it was. I think it scared him more than it hurt. But I am the emergency contact during the week so I figured I just head into Starbucks and then head over to day care.

Fat chance...

When I opened the door of the Porsche to get out there was rather large woman standing in front of the Porsche. I gave her the,"Do I like generous? I don't have any money!" look. She goes, "I CAN'T GET IN MY CAR!!!" So I humor her... "Why?"

She's like..."You parked to close to my car..."

Thinking of Elijah... Do I say sorry? Do I ignore her? Do I say sucks to be you?

No actually, I go assess the situation because I clearly was well within my line. Sure enough I walk over to the passenger side and her tires are on the line and I am good, Teeny-arm's-widespread distance from her door. I mean... I know people larger than her who could have gotten in. I am not being mean, unreasonable or nasty. There was space. She did not want to attempt it for some reason. It is a tight, urban, downtown parking lot off of Broadway.

She goes..."I can wait for you to get your coffee."

Ah... I struck fear into her... Was it my attitude? My stern, internal dickhead approach to life?

"No...", I say..."My son is hurt at daycare... And all those cooks from the Chinese restaurant are getting their coffee. Look at the line. I'd be wasting more of your time. I am gonna just run and see my son, that's why I was on the phone."

I got back in and sped off. I was pissed the whole time to day care. Why did I let my guard down and not be a jerk on this one? Must be my Christmas spirit.

Elijah was fine. Definitely not a happy camper... Poor little guy. I went back to Starbucks after seeing Elijah.

Do not buy the Ginger Bread slice at Starbucks. It tastes like ass.

Santa And His Ho's

You gotta be freaking shitting me!!!

See above link. Normally I'd copy that link and post it on my new blog "Steve's Word" that you, my loyal reader, does not read because I track that shit.

Okay, our liberal friends down in Australia want to end the myth of Santa by replacing the "Ho Ho Ho" with "Ha Ha Ha". Why? Because apparently the word Ho is offensive to women. How do they know this? Did they poll the women? Is there a contingent of women out there who cry every Christmas when they visit the mall and see this giant dude saying ho ho ho when he is having is picture taken with little boys and girls? Is this sub-conscious oppression from when these women were awkward teenagers forced to have their picture taken with Santa with their little brothers against their will from an over bearing parent who can't seem to accept that their kids are getting older?

What is this world coming to when we ban tradition in the face of something the most remotely offensive especially when it has to do with something completely harmless and filled with all good like Santa Claus. The liberal assault on Christmas has now gone global. Pretty soon if the libs have their way there will be no Christmas at all because of their fear of Christians, Christianity and all religions related specifically to Christianity. That means no holiday season, no Christmas songs and no hurt feelings at family get togethers between siblings who haven't spoken all year. What the liberals forget however is that Christmas has actually nothing to do with the birth of Christ. Christianity just took over a pagan holiday. A holiday where cultures for eons got together to celebrate the new year around the winter solstice with feasts and gifts. It's a holiday as symbolic as burying our dead. However assigning Jesus's name to it has made Christmas what it is today and how we enjoy it. If you want to really get after Santa and his ho ho ho's blame the Coca Cola Corporation who came up with the the most recent image of Santa in the late 19th century. It is the red and white image of Santa as a jolly old fat man with rosey cheeks and a long white beard that we all love in Santa that coincidentally is the color of the Coca Cola logo. So besides the liberal hatred of religion, it is the liberal hatred of corporate influence and corporate wealth of the global economy is the real reason for the complete shut down of Christmas in the next few years. This will be a serious detriment to our children because the world will not have a season to which they care about the lead and GHB content of our childrens Fisher Price toys. It will just be December 25th, just another day for everyone else, but me... because it is my birthday. <---my number 2 most searched post on this blog.

If I hear Santa yelling ha ha ha instead of ho ho ho at the mall this year, I am going to beat his ass for being a conformist and liberal who will probably vote for Hillary next November.