Thursday, December 06, 2007

If You Keep Reading, I'll Keep Ranting...

This post revisits many of my more famous themes from posts like, The Starbucks line, Verbal Assaults in parking lots regarding my choice of vehicle and my personal favorite Elijah.

Okay... so last night, the first night in say, 3 weeks that I went to sleep at a normal hour on my own power... only to wake up at 2:30AM. I put on CNN on sling box on my laptop so I can bore myself back to sleep. Nothing more boring than an early morning Lou Dobbs replay. The reality is though, I turned on Fox so I can anticipate the big Mitt Romney speech and learn more about the crazy fuck with the AK-47 in Omaha. (I guess if you leave all the pieces in close proximity, a kid will grab a gun and go to town... So sad this kind of stuff happens). I went back to sleep at 3 and woke up at 7 when I heard the doors slam.

Anyhow fast forward to reality... I got out of bed at 8 forgetting DW was taking the day off to relax. It's actually cool because I got to take the Cayenne to Starbucks for a cup of my liquid elixir. So I roll in and just like a movie, there was a parking spot right in front. I always call that spot the "movie spot" because when a car rolls up on a business in a movie they always get to park in front. You never get to see them run in the rain across the parking lot, dodging cars and splashing through puddles.

My cell rings and it's Elijah's day care. The nice lady there is asking me to come by and look at Elijah's finger. He somehow got it caught in a door. It sounded a hell of a lot worse than it was. I think it scared him more than it hurt. But I am the emergency contact during the week so I figured I just head into Starbucks and then head over to day care.

Fat chance...

When I opened the door of the Porsche to get out there was rather large woman standing in front of the Porsche. I gave her the,"Do I like generous? I don't have any money!" look. She goes, "I CAN'T GET IN MY CAR!!!" So I humor her... "Why?"

She's like..."You parked to close to my car..."

Thinking of Elijah... Do I say sorry? Do I ignore her? Do I say sucks to be you?

No actually, I go assess the situation because I clearly was well within my line. Sure enough I walk over to the passenger side and her tires are on the line and I am good, Teeny-arm's-widespread distance from her door. I mean... I know people larger than her who could have gotten in. I am not being mean, unreasonable or nasty. There was space. She did not want to attempt it for some reason. It is a tight, urban, downtown parking lot off of Broadway.

She goes..."I can wait for you to get your coffee."

Ah... I struck fear into her... Was it my attitude? My stern, internal dickhead approach to life?

"No...", I say..."My son is hurt at daycare... And all those cooks from the Chinese restaurant are getting their coffee. Look at the line. I'd be wasting more of your time. I am gonna just run and see my son, that's why I was on the phone."

I got back in and sped off. I was pissed the whole time to day care. Why did I let my guard down and not be a jerk on this one? Must be my Christmas spirit.

Elijah was fine. Definitely not a happy camper... Poor little guy. I went back to Starbucks after seeing Elijah.

Do not buy the Ginger Bread slice at Starbucks. It tastes like ass.

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