Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Random Thoughts from 30,000 Feet

One of my favorite all time songs, is a song called “The Mighty KC”. It was written by this band For Squirrels. The interesting thing about it was that it was inspired by Kurt Cobain and how he died young and the dudes who wrote it, died young in a tragic accident involving their tour van.

The song popped up on random on my iPod.

The thing that always gets me is the line before the chorus in the first verse:

“Send me off to the morgue I am ready to be buried a way down in my bed…
And I’m alone without the Sun….Please just take one…”

Then the chorus…

“And by the grace of God go I, into the great unknown, things are gonna change in our favor”

“And if we gather and if we fall, over the great unknown things are gonna change in our favor”

What’s interesting is I am writing this at 36000 feet above Utah. Plane is shaking like crazy… I hardly notice because I have been busting my ass on a presentation I need to give in the morning. I also don’t notice because since I stopped my pain meds, I have had this shitty burning pain in my left arm. From what I thought was some psychological bull shit is actually physical. Burning pain is not good. I also don’t notice the shaking because I washed down a vike with a 12 oz can of Foster’s.

The next verse in the song:

“100, 200, 300, 400, 500,600 die alone from watching TV… Please don’t break me”

It’s amazing how little and/or how much we really have control over our lives. One minute we can be flying in a plane, driving a car, shopping in a mall in Omaha and some screwy thing can happen. Some faulty engine parts designed by an engineer at a heavy equipment company or some prick with a gun can blow your shit up with a bomb or gun. Or you get some genetic disease… Or you take up smoking… Visit a tanning booth daily, tight rope walk over gorges… you know ask for an early death. Or you say fuck it and go Kurt Cobain… leave a note and shit. What a freaking waste! I actually miss that guy.

I’d rather spend my time worrying about what I can control personally. I flipped my iPod onto Emmylou Harris’s Red Dirt Girl Album. I enjoy listening to The Pearl off the first song on the album. Emmylou’s voice and Hallelujah’s somehow reach your soul. Probably all think I am odd mentioning Emmylou Harris and Kurt Cobain in the same post. Maybe it is the altitude. The desolate blackness looking out the window as it is now dark. Bumping from turbulence as it tosses my laptop of the tiny table they give you to use it on these planes.

I often wonder if I am seeking everything I can out of life. I really like the beauty of this planet. I love the ocean. The mountains. The take off over the plains where I can see the snow and the separation of it as each homestead farm plows its roads. I really like Colorado. I wish I can move here. But then again, things are out of my control… Like the housing market taking a big shit in the middle of California. But then again California is a nice place to be. We got the mountains, the ocean and contrary from popular belief from one man in Peoria, Ill… We have snow.

I digressed a lot in this post but that is actually a good thing. I have been trying to balance my single serving, cracker and cheese with salami hobby kit while my single serving friend across the aisle is looking over my shoulder as I type vigorously on my computer. I wonder what she actually thinks. Can’t be more than 9. Here is dude writing this presentation with all these graphs and charts and shit, and now he is writing like mad.

Things we can control… Can we really control how we live? That is meaning of life… I have a bitchin’ retirement plan with my company but will I live to enjoy it? Who knows? I sure hope so. Elijah will I guess.


No comments: