Tuesday, August 12, 2008


You wonder at this point what is the right step...

I have been carrying on four plus years with daily pain. The last two and a half with constant, chronic, pain through out my left side of my body. It'll cause me to limp like a troll, force off my guitar and make my golf game look shittier than it already is. It's hard to drive the 914, shifting gears and reaching out for the clutch. It's harder to drive period for long distances without some freaky pain in my arm.

Last week I woke up and my entire left arm was numb. I should tell you, this happens almost every day. Sometimes it's both arms. Sometimes it is my left arm and left leg. But last Thursday was a little different. Normally I wake up and just shake out the pain. By the time I reach the shower it is all gone.

But Friday was different. By the time I got into the shower, I was still numb. I remember pressing my hands against the cool shower wall and only feeling it with my left hand. I walked downstairs to find my hat and keys for my daily coffee ride. Still numb. I drove 10 minutes to Peet's Coffee... Still numb...

I left and came back... I had been up for an hour. Still numb.

The numbness never left my arm, it was crazy. I decided to make a call to the neurologist and report what was happening and basically get an appointment as soon as possible. I got one alright for tomorrow...

I sat numb all day in my left arm and hand until 4pm. That is when it finally just went away. Now I am stuck with this constant pain in my arm that no pain pill seems to numb. Self control is tough but I am hanging in there. I know if popped an extra pill I'd feel a bit better for a short time... But I won't. I stick with the prescribed limits on the bottle. I dare not become an addict. I don't even drink wine or beer much anymore. I am taking four different medications now. Vicodin for the stabbing pain that does go away. Tegetrol for attacking the pain in my nerves... Elavil to sleep as needed. And Celexa to reduce anxiety and depression. I have been with a psychologist the last 8 weeks.

Fucking eh... I am the bomb... literally.

So tomorrow, I get to point it all out... all the pain and how I feel that day and what went numb. Four years, no answers... two and a half really, really hard years enduring pain..

So I go back tomorrow for the next visit.

I wonder if he solved his plumbing problem with my suggestion?

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