Friday, February 24, 2006

Steve Vs. The Telemarketer

It appears that I have hurt myself yet once again. This time though I was not at work to which my company thanks me. Nope, yesterday I bent over to pick something up and well, I hurt my back pretty good. So good that I am laying flat on my back and typing this on a laptop. It really freaking hurts and I don't have any cool drugs to dull the pain. I left work for home at 12pm and all I want to do is lay back and find the position that doesn't hurt. (That didn't sound very G Rated)

So I am sitting here, laying back and look who calls: Blocked Caller. Now I am on that national do not call list but I recently switched carriers of my telephone service so I think the flood gates are back open. I am not sure at this point but I am gonna have to re-register I think. But anyhow, today, while watching videos on, I got a call:

Steve: Hello
(dead silence)
Steve: Hello?
Telemarketer: (startled) uh... Hi can I please speak to, uh... Steve _____ and (wife's name)?
Steve: Um, no... I mean yeah, speaking.
Telemarketer: Hi, I am Jim from (unnamed) mortgage, do you own the property on (my address)
Steve: Well, not fully but I am making payments on it. ha ha ha...
Telemarketer: Ha, I see you have a mortgage with (original mortgagor I had like 3 years ago who sold it to someone else) with an estimated balance of $XXX,XXX. We can get you a lower rate and lower those---
Steve (interrupts): Did Bush put you up to this? Are you wiretapping me?
Telemarketer: Huh?
Steve: I knew it. You are tapping my lines. Dick? Dick Cheney? Is that you? He doesn't have his gun does he?
Telemarketer: (dead silent)
Steve: I mean seriously Jim, how could you possibly know what I owe on my house? Anything could have happened? I could have won the lottery and paid the sucker off. Who knows, maybe the last guy that called set me up with a good mortgage...
Telemarketer (still selling it): Well it's the mortgage we have on record. And we are proud to offer a new mortgage at 1.5%...
Steve (interrupts): Listen...
(I am quiet until Jim here is uncomfortable. I sigh a few times)
Telemarketer: Yeah?
Steve: What you are doing here is a crime?
Telemarketer: Goodbye, Mr...
Steve (interrupting again): 1.5% interest only? That is financial suicide. Sure you immediately drop my payment to some unheard of amount and then jack me when the interest rates go up in a year or so.
Telemarketer (still selling it): But yeah, you'll save...$15,000 over the next 18 months.
Steve: There is no savings if I have to refinance in a year when the market collapses and interest rates go up. (click)

30 seconds of fun for me. Thanks Jim, the telemarketer. Why the hell would someone be home at 12:30pm on a weekday and be in a position to have a mortgage unless they were retired?

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