Bitter Tears

Along with pain, I get mood swings. It is a big cycle and it occurs when I least expect it.

So the past 24 hours I have been down. I feel like I am suffocating and can't breathe. I do not want to do shit for work or anything else. Maybe it is the pain syndrome I deal with or maybe I am genetically predispositioned for a bit of depression from time to time. Not everyone can carry the weight of the world.

I hate this. Funny thing is I can stand back and look at this saying, "It is just a cycle, you will come out of it." It's stupid to look at one's mental health this way. I look for alternative things to do. I actually think about leaving home to other places so I can just change the scenery to get stuff done. Right now, I am thinking of heading to Starbucks to get some projects done for work. I bet if I got out of here I can get more productive.

I look down at the floor and see Elijah's jeep. He is back home for the next week. I guess that is mostly why I am so down. I see his toys and they just sit without moving.

It kinda sucks.