Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Observations Part 21: Mass Chaos at the Homestead

And no I am not talking about the cry baby down at the Bush ranch in Texas. I am talking about my own house.

Kristen left me on Sunday. Not for real, but for business. I mean, she's gonna come back. You see she is a middle school teacher and is trained to teach other middle school teachers this new, fangled reading program for middle school kids that don't know how to read to good(ha, ha). She loves it and it pays as well as Summer School but with less effort. Plus she gets to travel to Downtown Oakland.

It's the first time she's really left for work somewhere this long. She left Sunday and will return Friday evening so I have been left to fend for myself around here. And this my friends is where the craziness has begun. It's Tuesday night, day three and look out!

I am big boy. I lived by myself for quite a while before we were married. I had my notoriously unsuccessful stint in LA trying to make it in the music business. And my bachelor pad around the corner from Original Pete's on J street. I can feed and take care of myself. I can cook. I can iron and wash my own clothes. The chaos comes from the others that live here: THE PETS!!!

We have 4 cats: Abbey, Jack, Daisy (aka Kitten) and Flea. We have a dog: Trisha (we did not name her) We have box turtle: Hobbes. And we have a fish: Fish.

Things I have noticed so far this week without Kristen:

1. The cats can poop a lot.
2. The Dog is not pooping as much as you think she should.
3. We have 3 litter boxes.
4. The garbage can in the kitchen is entirely too small for the Hefty Cinch Sacks
5. The dishes in the sink do not disappear only to miraculously re-appear in the cupboard clean like they did before she left.
6. The dog is an attention whore
7. So is Abbey, Jack and well, Kitten
8. The bed is empty. Not just without Kristen. Like there are no cats either. Normally all six of us are piled in together. They seem to be afraid
9. No ambient sounds of painful chick music on the CD player. (Elliot Smith, Noe Venable, Tori Amos, etc)
10. Someone leaves all the lights on and doesn't shut them off.
11. The pets eat the expensive IAMs food because Jack has that urinary tract disorder.
12. The cats puke a lot.
13. The dog hates me.
14. I can't find my belt, wallet, and keys as easily as before
15. The mail box is way outside and was crammed full of crap we don't need.
16. Tomorrow is garbage day and it is hard to get the can out with my truck in the driveway.
17. Oops...
18. I forgot to water the plants.
19. We're about out of Frosted Mini Wheats
20. Our cat Abbey is a clinger.
21. There will be a mess to clean when she gets back.
22. Wait! There better not be a mess to clean when she gets back.

She'll be back on Friday. I think it will be pizza night again tomorrow.

No comments: