Thursday, January 08, 2009

Dream or Nightmare?

I had a dream last night/early this morning that has  freaked me out all day.  

Perhaps it encompassed everything I have gone through the past year or two.  It was so weird... so real and it was like I had complete control and I remember every detail about it.

In a nut shell...

I basically was where I went to college.   I was carrying a trombone and baritone horn and I was off to a marketing/music class.  And I saw this fight break out.  So I ran and threw people into doors to protect them.  I ran into a bathroom and there was a woman crying in the bathroom.  I couldn't make her out.  But she tossed me a cellphone to help call someone.  I was staring through the crack in the door and I kept seeing the mean people's hands trying to get in.  I used the phone and it would not dial 911.  So I went, Wait.. this is a dream and pulled the fire alarm that I thought was to my left.  The sprinklers turned and an alarm sounded and the evil people ran.  It was me I guess being creative and fighting off demons.  Why I locked myself in a room though perplexes me.  

So then we broke free and I ran with people from college to a Home Economics Room.  Which I have no idea what the symbolism behind that is.

So then a bell rang and I had to go take a big test in a marketing class.

The real odd thing... Barack Obama was visiting the school.  So there was all this other activity at the school or what I was told was the school...  And so there were all these people running to go see the guy but I was taking this test.  In retrospect, I think it was me not caring about Obama.

So I get the test and teacher basically hands me a Tablet PC that was really paper thin.  She asked a question and we were to fill in an answer on the screen.  Then she left a question on the board and said she had to go to the other room and start the other test.  So I sat waiting for all the questions and I had this overwhelming fear she was not coming back because I had all the answers.  I felt like I was not being asked.  I feel like this all the time in my conscious life because I feel that people are not coming to me looking for answers like they used to.

Then I ran off to join this music group.  I saw the group playing and all I did was start playing along but kept walking... I was playing a trombone.  I later felt after I woke up that this part of the dream was me always feeling I let pursuing a music performing career pass by.  I always felt like I could be big and haven't yet.  What ever big means anyway.

But as I past the band playing, I felt like I needed new gear.  So I show up at this music store/car wash.  Two things I know everything about.  I walk inside and I am looking for some new horns.  And the owner, Mr. Lee was his name shows me this huge horn that was impossible to play. And it turned out to be a joke that everyone in the store laughed about.  I don't know the symbolism behind this.  But Mr Lee decided to take me to his car to look at new horns.  As I stepped out the door... and at this point it is one of those dreams where you do not see faces.  Someone from behind me... and this trips me out still hours later when reflecting on this dream... yells my name and says... hey remember me, I resized your ring after you got married.  What trips me out is I have no idea who this person was, in the dream I felt this person really knew me... but I could not recall them and I was struggling with it... but this person remembered details that did not actually happen... like my wedding ring being resized.

So then I went to this Mr. Lee's car (by the way the first guitar I bought was at a shop called Mr. C's) and picked out a new horn.  When I stepped into the store to pay... I was basically staring at the exit of the car wash.  And there were all these lights and stuff marketing stuff going on at the car wash and I got extremely frustrated because it was all laid out wrong.  Then my dad was there yelling at me... and all the employees at the car wash were telling me he was mad.  I cannot think of a time in my life where my Dad ever got mad at me.  Seriously... except for maybe when I worked for him at the car wash. :)  I later find it was because I had left a trombone on the driveway "on".  I walked up to the trombone... and this was really weird because I have been around so many car washes that it felt like all the employees were real... but to me they were just your average Hispanic guy that typically works at the car wash.  They are standing around the trombone and it is basically on the ground against it's case humming like a gas weed eater on idle.

Fucking weird.  I woke up at this point.  It was 7 AM.  I grabbed my computer and wrote it all down.  So many themes in my life came up in this.  A lot of my fears... frustrations...  Symbolically why I was at college is because I always felt like I was a stranger there even though I thoroughly enjoyed college and probably miss some parts of that in my life.  Like drinking all night after studying... and realizing you had a midterm at 8 AM and it was 7:30 AM still thoroughly buzzed then aceing the test.  But the symbolism... this was a place that I felt safe... despite in reality I was on a big scholarship and could have been broke off from school because at the time it was $16-18K a year to go there.

The test frustrated me in the dream.  I really had this anticipation of what questions were being asked but not getting the chance to answer them.  I feel like that all the time.  Especially in my line of work where I have to do so much critical thinking.  But I always feel people go elsewhere.  Perhaps I am trying to tell myself something about how people are treating me.  Should I have gone out of the class to try and get more questions?  Hmmm....

I am stuck on this dream... This is probably a dream that I remember most in my life.

I felt weird today too.  Like I was hungover.  My head hurt all day and my left ear and face was all tingly.  I was panicked when I woke up too... all sweaty.

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