The Vietnamese Invasion

This is so wrong but I will write it any ways...


So like today, we I got Direct TV HD for the big screen downstairs in time for Heroes and football.

We I had an appointment at like 9:00 AM for these guys to come out and install a new dish along with my new box. This guy calls to leave us a message around 10:30 and I swear to God, he sounded like he was holding his tongue with when he spoke. "Hi.. Diwect TV, we come later. No come now... One hour"

Okay... so like 2 hours go by and I get worried so I call in to see what's up and the same guy I spoke with earlier answers. "Uhhhhhhhh... we come not now. Maybe... later. We almost finich" Okay... That told me a lot actually. I felt like he'd arrive any minute really and sure enough at my door in 15 minutes was a little Asian man, maybe 5 feet tall.

"Where dis?" He says... "Where dis now?"

I totally looked puzzle for a second... "OHHH!!! Dish... outside, let me show you". Now our house is really tall. And this little walks out..."ahhhhh.... need big ladder... maybe treety tree feet" So I look around... "Nah... your ladder is tall enough... I'll move the Jeep."

So I move the car and the guy gets working and I headed back inside. About 10 minutes later, another one shows up. I though it was the same guy, I swear because I say, "You find ladder?" In much better but heavily accented English the guy goes, "I'm here to see TV. Show me TV." So I take him through our rat's nest downstairs. And he is all, "Ohhhh... you know like TiVo, you upgrade?" I tell him the box broke and he goes, "Ooooohh... you hit box with your fist!!!" Um no... it just broke. He laughs...

So he looks at the line coming in and starts quietly going... "oooohhhh....mmmmm... eeehhh... fffffffff" while he scratches his face. "You only have one line, you need two for TiVo, that's why no work!" I'm like thinking, we cleared that up already... but I explain how the box broke and made up a power failure story. (I really don't know how the thing broke!) He goes..."Ahhhh...show me behind wall." Okay... outside...

So we head out upstairs, then down... I had to move the Porsche back out of the way to get in the garage. I open up the door and the guy goes..."Oooohhh!!! Another Porsche!! What year? Origina-a-a-a-a-l? You Origina-a-a-a-a-l" He said it just like that...(because I am totally ad libbing some of this). Yeah... and I tell him the story. And Asian guys always want to know how much things are worth. I lead him to the back basement and show him the wall. And then we go outside. Now there are three Toyotas outside... I huge assed ladder outside on my house and there are like 4 of these guys... two of which are on the ladder. It was like watching little hamsters. Their nimble fingers were assembling the little screws and bolts and the guys are on the roof tearing down the old one. I felt like singing the "Oompa" song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because all these little dudes were swarmed around the house.

Then I thought, I wonder if they are shorter than Teeny.