Hell Just Froze... Seriously...

We are ALL DEAD.

I am a closet Metallica fan. I just love their old stuff. Many of the old classics like Master of Puppets and And Justice For All have been long gone. Broken, scratched and stolen. Maybe because the CD's made me angry or something, I don't know. Maybe it was that whole rebellious phase I went through in college. Or maybe it was the calming effect it left on the back of my neck, head and body after I rushed the stage around 5 years ago with my brother during "One". We were bad asses that one moment in time!!!

But dude... Lars Ulrich needs the money finally and I obliged. iTunes has the ENTIRE METALLICA CATALOG for sale. Just 4 Clicks and it's off to Never Neverland... (That is so wrong, I cannot believe I said that)

Lars, I swear I never downloaded one of your songs for free of Napster because I thought it was wrong to steal another artist's songs. I mean, it's your art man. We deserve the privilege to pay for it.

I just dropped $40 on 4 albums. I mean dude, c'mon, Leper Mesiah (straight thrash the last 2 minutes) and Orion are straight up thrash dude and a great bridge to Damage Inc. Master of Puppets, all time best Metal Album if not the best album of all time. (Who's Next, by the Who is the best but that is for another post)

Or maybe... the sticker shock that I dropped $40 on Metallica tomorrow will finally start labor. 40th week is upon us. Maybe I'll crank this stuff up tomorrow when I am down here "working". Yeah that'll start it too.

Obey your master pulling the strings!!!
Vote Republican!!!

How To Install an IKEA Faucet

Okay... since I am getting an awful lot of hits regarding this, I might as well write a post on it. I have been getting like 40-50 hits a day from some frustrated IKEA consumer who has bought this nice looking, cheap, High Quality faucet for their new bathroom sink and then they find nothing at the local hardware store or from some racist Home Depot representative in the plumbing aisle who frowns at you because you bought something Swiss. (Note: IKEA is Swedish, not Swiss)

Assemble and install your sink, cabinet as instructed including the faucet. Stop before you install drain pipe. Then begin here:

1. Don't panic. I spent a few hours and a few gallons of gas driving back and forth to different hardware store to buy the right fittings to make this thing works.
   
2. You will be able to adapt your existing water with ease and little cost
3. Tools needed: Crecent wrench, 5/16" Nut Driver, Wire Snips, Pliers
4. Materials needed: (2) 3/8" Male Flare fitting to 3/8"MPT, (2) 3/8" FPT to 5/16" Hose Barb Fitting. (4) Hose Clamps and 6 to 10 feet of 5/16" ID Braided Tubing.
5. DO NOT EVEN TRY TO TAKE THOSE METAL STAINLESS TUBES OFF THE IKEA FAUCET TO PUT YOUR OWN FITTING ON THE BOTTOM OF THE FAUCET. IT'S METRIC!!! AMERICAN HARDWARE STORE FITTINGS DON'T WORK. DO NOT TRY, IT WILL ONLY PISS YOU OFF FURTHER.

So this is what you do. Attach the flare 3/8" fitting to your existing water lines you pulled from your old faucet. Attach the second 3/8" to Hose Barb to your new flare fitting. Hose clamp about 2-3 feet of braided hose and clamp it to the barb using one of the hose clamps and your 5/16" Nut Driver. Make sure these fittings are as tight as you can get them. Be sure you use Teflon Tape for the threads. (See photo below)

Next take the braided hose and some WD40 and using your pliers, insert one of the pipes coming out of the IKEA faucet into the braided hose. Guide it up as far as it goes, probably 3 to 4 inches. Hose clamp the braided hose to the pipe tight about 1/2 from the end of the hose up the pipe. Note: this is tedious and you may have to bend the IKEA pipes slightly to accompish this. They will not break but can pinch if bent too far. IF you struggle getting this to not leak use a second clamp a 1/2" below the other.

Here's what it should look like:



This has and will not leak the way I have set this up. You'll notice my hoses are long and this is because I may have to move sink away from the wall from time to time to clean the drain pipe. My house is a hundred years old so you can make this work. You just have to really get the hose clamps tight. The PSI in my house is just around 100. There are no leaks doing this this way.

I have had the sink and faucet installed for 4 months now and we have been VERY HAPPY!! So much so, that I will buy another one soon for the upstairs bathroom. I hope this helps those of you who get here via Google looking for help installing your faucet.

Clerks 2: Why Being A Slacker has it's Priviledges!

We got to the movie matinee early and sat in the back of the theatre. Usually we only go to a movie if it has consistently good reviews from all the major players. Our buddy, Ebert is still out, though I think he would have rated this movie high. Joel Siegel ripped the movie and even stormed out of the critic's screening. You can hear Kevin Smith tearing up old man Joel on the radio here. Or you read Kevin Smith tearing into Joel here on his ViewAskew Website. Whatever, they are critics and I shelled out $28 bucks for some cheap tickets and over priced Popcorn and soda.

I am not gonna tell you what Clerks 2 is about but if you liked Mallrats and the first Clerks, you'll love this flick. It is absolutely hilarious. Jeff Anderson should be nominated for an Oscar for his role as Randall Graves. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is absolutely priceless and too much to remember so you have to see it again. It's definately on the movie list for Christmas.

Dante (not Braxton, pictured in the post below) and Randall are my generation. There is a lot of me out of both of them. The feeling of waiting to do something big with their lives but being so cautious about it that they don't want to shed their own vunerability. In the end of the movie they finally get what they both want. How they get there is indescribable really. Let's say it involves a Donkey in a fast food restaurant and that is about as much as I will say about it.

Being that slacker though at 32 years old, like these guys, would be an enviable postion for me. No responsibilty other than work. Good friends and the unique ability to entertain themselves over trivial things in life. Sometimes you wish that can be you. Doing some menial job, for low pay with no car payment, mortgage or any real debt. How amazing would it be to just pour someone's coffee or wash someone's car and then bitch at them when they leave the place for their faults? Of course, how could I trade what I have. I am lucky. My wife is just as lucky. We work hard everyday to achieve some level or bar we set for ourselves. And everything is worth it, except just for a short time, I'd like to go back to that... just waiting on people in thirty second increments and having utter distain for their flaws.

Sounds like fun to me... If you like Kevin Smith, he's made a great comeback with Clerks 2.

Damn You Braxton Hicks!!!

This is Dante Hicks, not Braxton Hicks

If you ever see this guy, Braxton Hicks, I want to kick his butt. Feeding my wife with all that pain every 5 minutes for two hours, dragging my butt out of bed to the hospital because Kaiser said, "C'mon in, it could be the real deal!!". Save us the trouble!! Some of us were sauced on back pain medicine, half asleep, with an iPod strapped to his ears, listening to "Ok Computer".

If you see this guy Braxton Hicks... Tell him I am looking for him...

Total Carnage!!!: A $300 Moon Shot.

This is what happens when you swing too hard and hit the ball off the heel. Best drive I have hit in months. Maybe 250 yards or so off the tee, dead straight. The club head went around 75 yards. I screamed an explictive and my friend Josh thought it was my back or something or that I was complaining about the drive. I was pretty pissed and looked like an ass holding my shaft in the full swing position. I broke a 5 Wood on the same hole exactly one year ago, off the tee.

It's Time to Focus

Kitten comes in close...

I started pain management and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The doctor was pretty cool and he sat and answered every question he could. Plus I get to take a new drug called Neurontin to hopefully halt all this stuff in a few weeks. Basically, it'll calm my nerves down so they are not so inflamed with pain. Whatever happened, golf wasn't the cause, my job or driving wasn't the cause, it's just some premature aging in my neck. They can't figure out what's tripping the nerves in my arm and leg but hopefully my new friend, Neurontin will help. I start off with 2 a day and then ramp up slowly every three days until I get to 9. Sounds like a lot but by the time I get to 9, I think they'll switch to 3 1000mg instead of 9 300mgs pills. The medicine is actually made for seizures, which I do not suffer or have never had but helps knock down long term pain. Oh, and one other neat effect, it treats Bi-Polar Disorder, which, I don't have either, but if I do, I'll mellow out... AND I get to see a Psychologist... WooHoo... (sup Tina!)

In other news, the baby turned today for the "off ramp" so we're getting closer to the end of my natural life as I know it. I have to learn the following things:

• Tolerate strange smells made from feces wrapped in disposable clothes. I must keep the mindset that nothing will ever smell worse than that food people cooked in their garages back in Daly City next to their ping pong tables. I swear, I don't know what it was. But it surely stank real bad!!!
  
• Unintelligible mumbling. I started to listen to Air America's Randi Rhodes so I can get used to incessant whining and mumbling for no reason other than to whine and mumble. (Anti-liberal comment of the day, lawryde...Let's see it:))
• Drool. I really hate other people's spit. Seriously. Ask my Darling Wife.... :)
  
• Insomnia. Well... 6 months of practice there. Amitryptyline anyone?
• Dependence on me. No one has ever depended on me before until now. I have to learn that somone else is depending on me to come through.
  
• A complete end to swearing while playing my Xbox 360, working on my home improvement projects or talking to my buddies on the phone.
• To stop feeding beer to small animals. Can't teach any bad habits to the little one.
• To stop playing with fire. I can put a candle out with my bare hand and not burn myself. But can he? Let's not try.
• No more trips to the Emergency Room. Which means, I need to stop it with the concussions and excessive vomiting during flu season or hurting my back anymore than it is. I need to leave the vomitting up to the kid for awhile.
  

I am sure it is gonna be a helluva ride.

Fun with Search Engines

Well... not just Google Searches. I was bored tonight so I started spying on my visitors to see where they were coming from, so here is a list in random order:

1. Eva Longoria and Republicans #5 on Google. Kind of funny if you think about it. This search lands on my post where I wrote about deciding to watch Eva Longoria on SNL or Bowling For Columbine. (I chose bowling)
2. Jehovah's Witness Christmas Birthday Gift #3 on Google. Damn wikipedia, I wanted the top spot. My passion for despising J-Dubs and my Christmas Birthday all on one hit. This happens quite a bit. A lot of hits come from my Jehovah's Witness posts back in the day.
3. Ikea Faucet fixtures #1 on Google. Yes, you buy an Ikea faucet and do what I do for a living (quiet Kurt :) ) and still can't put it together, than it ain't built right. Lawryde, you should go design those things so you can actually attach hoses to them without destroying it. Notice I beat Ebay. I rule!!
4. Anthony Kiedis Phone Number #30-something on Google. (Maybe higher or lower now, especially with the link) This one moved around a bunch on Google but someone got here searching out in quotes "Anthony Kiedis" "Phone Number". Now why on Earth would I have that number. If I did, I call and say, "Dude, great voice, say hi to Flea for me and please, hire a lyricist because your lyrics suck" Your my priestess, I'm your priest? What the hell does that mean?
5. BREAKING NEWS, Number 5 at Yahoo!, Install Ikea sink. This just happened when I reloaded stat counter. Looks as I am not the only one that was frustrated with the sink. The thing is though, I'd buy another one in a heartbeat because I know what to buy to install it. Just ask dudes, I'll tell you.
6. Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses that are punk rock at #1 Google. Okay, so it looks like if you are a betting man, that I should write about Jehovah's Witnesses installing Ikea sinks that know Red Hot Chilipeppers songs about Jehovah's Witnesses. This is quite entertaining for a post.
7. The rest of it comes from searching Snoop Dogg Translator, the Jeep Commander or Social Distortion stuff which is all generic. A lot of hits come from other blogs. Bring It On being the most popular with all the trouble I start. Steve's Blog appears with me being #1 on all major search engines. Google. Yahoo! Excite. (Screw MSN, that is not a real search engine, I am number 3)
   

Maybe It's All Been Written...

I haven't been inspired to write anything lately on this blog. I guess it's because everything is as it should be or I am sitting in the calm of the storm. On the one hand, life's great as always. I went out on a boat yesterday and we sat around shooting it while we consumed copious amounts of lager. It was hotter than hell, like 104 degrees yesterday. We just floated on life jackets listening to Bob Marley, Social Distortion or whatever us popped up on my iPod. The DLO iPod transmitter is killer. Great for the boat, where you are out on the lake with barely any decent radio stations to pick up.

As far as the calm before the storm. Maybe it's because of all the changes around the house. We are in no way done moving, rearranging and re-storing all of our junk getting ready for this bundle of joy to come and waste all of our discretionary income. A bit of reality set in last night after the boat ride when I was seated on my friend's couch waiting for UFC 61 to start on PPV. All of these kids, running everywhere. There were about 5 ranging in ages 4, almost 3, just turned 2, a 8.5 month and a 7 month old kid. What a range! All these little people running everywhere. Well, the two young ones weren't up to running yet, they still just drooled everywhere but... kind of shocking. At least my friends could still hit it on a Saturday with some 12 packs and a boat.

I did attempt to "swing it" last Sunday as I mentioned a few posts down. I was stupid and used the driver. I also took a few swings off the fairway that were quite nice. I hadn't bothered to keep score, rather I was more in tuned to just swinging my clubs. I nailed one drive like 260 and I had an awesome 170 yard shot over water from the fairway, 4 ft to from the hole with my 5 ironwood. But mainly I just farted around on the golf cart, chasing down shanked balls, or balls that just dribbled 30 to 40 yards in front of me. I am thinking about getting a full set of iron woods 3 to pitching wedge and just not swinging so hard anymore. Couldn't get up on Monday to do anything last week. Maybe it was the back pain or my audacity to play golf with it. Pain management finally, finally, starts on Tuesday afternoon. We'll see.

July 4th, 2006: A Hundred Highways

Cash Lives On

It's been over 2 years now since the world lost Cash and thanks to his producer Rick Rubin, some of the last recordings of Cash are now available on American V: A Hundred Highways. From what I have read, Cash was in a wheel chair and nearly blind from diabetes. What he still had to the end, was his passion to keep recording and keep going. I think if you are a big Johnny Cash fan like I am, you definately need this collection.

The first song "Help Me" features a quiet arpeggiated guitar, Cash's gravelly voice and a Cello. This song it me pretty hard when I heard it. That first line, "Oh Lord, help me walk, walk just another mile... I'm tired of walking all alone" And the second line... "Oh Lord, help me smile, another smile, just one more smile... I don't think I can do things on my own" and the final line in the verse, "With humble heart on bended knee, begging you please for help" I swear... It just tears you up to hear this song.

American V is much better than the rest of the set because the songs are not as familiar. There is no "fitted" cover like a "Bridge over Troubled Waters" like was on American IV. The album is definately darker than the rest of the American Recordings set with Rick Rubin. We are fortunate enough that Cash left this set of songs, reminding us all that he is the man in black.

A real fan should not miss this cd.

Don't Look Back In Anger: It's Time to Start Swinging It

I can sit here and sulk over daily pain in my back and neck, those sharp pains through my wrists and legs, or write posts defining how cruel and unusual my health plan is or what not...

or...

I can just head out to the golf course, where I can fire away with my with my 460 cc Tour Edge Driver, sip on a Heineken, and not care what I shoot, which holes I play or my score.

Screw it man, I am heading out. I'd be in pain anyway so why not enjoy it, right? After all, it's all in my head! The doctors would have done something if it wasn't.

Where's my Robaxin?