Monday, March 05, 2007

Happy Anniversary: Here's Some Stomach Flu

(Side note: What the hell is Yoko doing?)

So yesterday was my wife and I's 7th Anniversary together as one, er uh married. And really it was a good thing we made no plans this time around. Last year was Tahoe, the year before that was Sedona, Arizona (see photo blog way back when or the beer tasting post with the stomach flu!!)

And what is it with the stomach flu and our anniversaries. Kristen came down with it on Saturday and to be honest, I did not compute that she had the flu. I honestly was like, "Just put Elijah beside you for his nap." "Aren't you going to feed him?" "I have yard work to do and it is a beautiful day!"

Did not compute...

She was puking and in pain and I am like, so you wanna go to dinner?

I came to the realization that something was amiss on Saturday afternoon when I was holding and playing with Elijah for a couple of hours. I was thinking, "Maybe she is sick or something?"

So yesterday, our anniversary, I decided to take Elijah down to my parents so Kristen could sleep and stuff. What a great day! Elijah played for a couple of hours with his toys and his Opa and Oma. I just kicked it, installing Adobe Reader on my mom's computer. Great day. Nice dinner. A glass of wine. Helped my Dad with his iPod. And then I left...

It's about an hour to my parents house and I totally felt fine on the way back until I turned onto my street. That's when I felt it coming on. The burning in my chest. I dismissed it as indigestion and when I entered the house, Kristen was full of energy and obviously the bulk of the flu symptoms were behind her.

But that indigestion.... ugghh!!! I grabbed some Pepto. It didn't go away. I just wanted to lay down so I went upstairs to crash. I broke out into a cold sweat. I was delirious. I was shaking. Could it be that I was falling victim to my wife's fake illness? I felt like a death row inmate who was facing the inevitable. The ball was in motion. The warden was reading and signing the death warrant. I was going to puke.

So what did I do? I sucked it up. I became a man. I let it go like it was a championship vomiting contest. I let it out like freaking James Brown at the Apollo. There was no doubt left. I totally owned it and my wife could hear everything.

Was it vengeance? No. Karma? Perhaps from the video I tagged here. Yeah maybe, instant karma can get you. My wife was right there though, getting me Gatorade. Letting me know that it is only a day's worth of sickness.

I had around 5 or 6 sessions to a sold out audience at the porcelain God upstairs. I couple of times the show had an opener... Mr. Diarrhea. Above all, it was well done though. I laid in agony on the bathroom floor after the last trip going, "What am I doing?" And from that point, I just stopped throwing up. The little man inside me that I invented when I was 7 made the repairs and the system started to go back to normal.

Then the most unbelievable pain set in. I threw out my already bad back. It freaking killed and I couldn't take anything for it. All night I toss and turned. I grabbed the blankets and ran down to my back chair, hoping to get some relief. It got worse. It hurt. Last night was one of the longest nights (next to my first Prom) of my life! It just would not get later. It was like 10 to 2. Then an hour later it was like 5 after 2. The space between 2:30 AM and 4:30 AM was like a whole freaking lifetime. I half way expected to get up in the morning and watch Elijah head off to college. The pain.... Oh my God the pain!

At 7 AM my wife was heading to work. I had begun the process of phoning it in. The home office is in Central time. I fired up a computer and sent email. All along, shivering and cold. No amount of blankets would save me from the shivering and pain. Thinking my stomach was okay enough (not on solids yet!!!) I took a gamble and popped a Vicodin. The worst case scenario though, I'd just throw it up and get back into that cycle for a few hours. It's been almost 3 hours, no pukey and no trips to the John.

Something really interesting came over me though this morning, while I laid in agony. My mind ran through what I need to do for work but I kept going back to Elijah. It sort of centered me, kind of like when I was watching him being born. While trying to accomplish the futile endeavor of using both a heating pad and an ice pack on my back at the same time, for a moment, I'd just see his smiling face. Him laughing and giggling. I kept going back to him. And while I was having such a rough night, I think he helped me make it through.

It's just something that has never happened before. Wow!

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