Ice Chomper At The H&C

Yeah... I chomp on my ice. My teeth are fully flat because of it. But I don't care. I have great teeth and never get cavities.

So I am at my favorite burger hut, the H&C Hamburger place across the street from original Tower Records here in Sacramento today that all of you illegal music downloaders are personally responsible for running out of business with your illegal downloading. And I got my soda first while waiting for my burger and fries. (Fries are so good there... not In&Out fries but really good fries)
I was kicking it watching some high school kids fight over the ketchup. And what do I do when I am bored with an iced down soda in my hand? I start chomping away on my ice.

This annoying looking lady, you know... the kind with long stringy, but straight hair wearing clothes 3-4 sizes too big (a hippy in her 50's) muscles her way between me... where I am already pushed up against the window and the fighting high school chicks who should be wearing looser clothes, to get to the iced tea....

Okay... I was at this place like a week ago with my friend John from Seattle. And this little Asian guy thought I was checking out his girlfriend because I was staring at ESPN watching a replay of one of Bonds' homers or something. She was something to check out, but I was done with it after I pointed her out to John like 5 minutes earlier. And the little Asian boyfriend (I thing he was Hmong, because he had a real nice Honda), anyway, the Asian guy makes that noise that I can imitate but can't like spell out here. It's like making a kissing noise out of the side of your mouth but it is not a kiss sound, almost like a munch actually. And he says, "Dude, what are you looking at?" with his humming bird sized chest all stuck out at me like he showed up to a cock fight. John didn't even hear him. I just brushed him off like, "Whatever." I mean, I wasn't looking at his girlfriend at this point. But we were now!! John and I had like 300 lbs total and 7 inches each between us over the guy. He was ready to walk down the middle of the road and we'd squish him, like grape!! (I could not make this into a blog story until today)

Back to the hippy lady with oversized clothes...

She filled her 32 OZ cups to the brim with ice. She's was filling these to the point where I was like, "Dude, WTF?" And then the second one... I was sitting there, kicked back at the window, waiting for #198 to be called. Stands next to me. I mean, right next to me. Got the whole room, the lunch time crowd is gone... I am #198 and she's like #207 or something. Got like a whole 7 minutes before she gets called. Right there, holding two 32 OZ cups, full of ice with a dabble of iced tea. And I am chomping away

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.... Sip.... CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH,

She goes, "Excuse me! Can you not do that? People annoy me when they chomp ice!"

Without missing a beat I go, "I hate liberals.... Don't stand so close.... Praise Jesus for this glorious day, Okay?!?"

She sat there dogging me like I pissed in the iced tea bucket...

And there I was....

CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH....