Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Two Short Stories...

Two Stories

I don't know if these are really stories.

But quickly,

Number 1... Flying home from Denver today I was listening to my iPod on shuffle. So... you know how the pilot likes to get on the horn and tell you stuff like in a sinister yet calm voice reminiscent of your dentist,
Good afternoon folks from up here in the cabin. We have reached our cruising altitude of 37,000 feet so I am going to go ahead and turn off the seat belt fastened light. We had a bit of trouble getting out of Denver but I can assure you that we'll pick up the pace and get you into Sacramento 4 minutes late.

So we're like flying along and my iPod is shuffling through a mix of the Doors and Dave Matthews and shit, and I got my "free" ginger ale as I always do to calm my "nerves" flying in a sheet metal tube at 37000 feet. And the flight goes quick for a two and a half hours... And so my iPod is pumping along and the captain gets on at the end,

Well... we have began our final decent. So (DING!) I need you all in your seats as I have turned on the fastened seat belt light.
And I was half asleep and I wake up when the dude says that and my iPod had shuffled to Jon Bon Jovi's "Blaze of Glory" and as soon as he said "final decent" all I heard from my iPod was,

I'm goin' do-o-o-o-o-o-o-own in a blaze of glow' ry
All anyone wants to hear as their plane is going down...

Number 2,

I took DW, Elijah and Goofy my sister in law out to dinner at Paesano's here in Sacramento. It's a cool place here in downtown Sac that makes pizza and pasta but in a way that sets it apart from a chain store like Pizza Hut or whatever. Plus they serve alcohol. The SIL and I split a bottle of Boeger's Barbera. Good freaking wine, man seriously. I hadn't seen Elijah in a couple of days so it was good to get out. They brought Elijah some pizza dough to play with. Which eventually... we were all playing with as well.

So the meal came and went. And we finished our wine and DW was holding Elijah. So I grab the dough and start playing with Elijah. I am the master juggler with one piece of dough. I tossing it around... throwing it in the air. Making it go in circles near Elijah's face, then BAM!!!

Oh Fuck!!
I accidentally jam my hand into Elijah's face poking my finger into his eye. Pretty hard too. I immediately feel like shit. Here I am gone for a couple of days... I hear stories of him asking for "Papa" by the door and I accidentally jam him with my forefinger. So I pick him up from my wife's arms. I hug him. And you know babies... They get hurt, you pick them up, you hug them 30...45 seconds go by... You look at them to see if they are okay. And there eye's are squinted, the mouth is wide open... face is purple as the wine left in your glass.... Nothing is coming out. Just a purple face with a mouth wide open, like me frozen in the picture above with out the sarcastic expression. Time has officially stopped because Elijah hasn't taken a breath yet. Then all of a sudden, the gates of hell open and all you hear is "WAHHHH!!!!!!" I hug him and kiss him and he doesn't stop crying of course...

I felt so bad... He's all good though... trashed the SIL's house with water.

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