Snaggle Tooth Son

Off to Colorado for me... be back Tuesday. Rejoice in our fine son. I said, REJOICE DAMN YOU!!!

Looks like his daddy with his mommy's eyes.

The Vietnamese Invasion

This is so wrong but I will write it any ways...


So like today, we I got Direct TV HD for the big screen downstairs in time for Heroes and football.

We I had an appointment at like 9:00 AM for these guys to come out and install a new dish along with my new box. This guy calls to leave us a message around 10:30 and I swear to God, he sounded like he was holding his tongue with when he spoke. "Hi.. Diwect TV, we come later. No come now... One hour"

Okay... so like 2 hours go by and I get worried so I call in to see what's up and the same guy I spoke with earlier answers. "Uhhhhhhhh... we come not now. Maybe... later. We almost finich" Okay... That told me a lot actually. I felt like he'd arrive any minute really and sure enough at my door in 15 minutes was a little Asian man, maybe 5 feet tall.

"Where dis?" He says... "Where dis now?"

I totally looked puzzle for a second... "OHHH!!! Dish... outside, let me show you". Now our house is really tall. And this little walks out..."ahhhhh.... need big ladder... maybe treety tree feet" So I look around... "Nah... your ladder is tall enough... I'll move the Jeep."

So I move the car and the guy gets working and I headed back inside. About 10 minutes later, another one shows up. I though it was the same guy, I swear because I say, "You find ladder?" In much better but heavily accented English the guy goes, "I'm here to see TV. Show me TV." So I take him through our rat's nest downstairs. And he is all, "Ohhhh... you know like TiVo, you upgrade?" I tell him the box broke and he goes, "Ooooohh... you hit box with your fist!!!" Um no... it just broke. He laughs...

So he looks at the line coming in and starts quietly going... "oooohhhh....mmmmm... eeehhh... fffffffff" while he scratches his face. "You only have one line, you need two for TiVo, that's why no work!" I'm like thinking, we cleared that up already... but I explain how the box broke and made up a power failure story. (I really don't know how the thing broke!) He goes..."Ahhhh...show me behind wall." Okay... outside...

So we head out upstairs, then down... I had to move the Porsche back out of the way to get in the garage. I open up the door and the guy goes..."Oooohhh!!! Another Porsche!! What year? Origina-a-a-a-a-l? You Origina-a-a-a-a-l" He said it just like that...(because I am totally ad libbing some of this). Yeah... and I tell him the story. And Asian guys always want to know how much things are worth. I lead him to the back basement and show him the wall. And then we go outside. Now there are three Toyotas outside... I huge assed ladder outside on my house and there are like 4 of these guys... two of which are on the ladder. It was like watching little hamsters. Their nimble fingers were assembling the little screws and bolts and the guys are on the roof tearing down the old one. I felt like singing the "Oompa" song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory because all these little dudes were swarmed around the house.

Then I thought, I wonder if they are shorter than Teeny.

The Scottish Invasion

A month or so a go I wrote about the band, The Bravery. I think I said something about these bands coming out that have these real good songs and stuff. On that one I think I wrote about semi-midlife crises and how you can't go back and fix shit that went awry back in the day or really... (what happened just three minutes ago with the whole dog walking thing), Anyhow... Back in the old days of record buying before lawryde and "his people" screwed up for the rest of us with their Napsters and Limewires, you heard a song, you then searched for the name of the song or who sang it, buy either intently listening to the radio or hanging out with friends to find the name. You stopped to listen to it when it came on and you followed it until the DJ announced who sang it, sometimes two or three songs later. You even, if you were as nuts as me, hung out in the school library searching Billboard looking for the title and how it charted. That was the music industry of the old days like from the beginning of time until high speed internet.

I like this band, the Fratellis:



Something strikes me as both Beatlesque and Ramone like with some serious shot of actually really great songwriting. Given the chance, these songs on this album can be really big. But an album's worth of songs with our high paced lifestyle of "hey, that's great, next" really has no staying power unless you are skinny drunk blonde in an S-Class Mercedes cruising the streets of Beverly Hills like you are a silver ball under glass, at the local arcade. We really are scared of the albums these days. U2 still makes albums, most people make songs. I suspect Coldplay, Rage, Metallica will try and make albums but a lot of the radio are these one song guys like the Bravery. The Fratellis are no one song per album band. This album is load!

I heard the Fratelli's with their real big American hit, Flathead on the radio a lot. I debated to buy the album because you get something sometimes and it's filled with crap. Not always... I can listen into an album deep and pick singles and I am usually right on what the next single is. But man sometimes.... Flathead was too gimmicky with it's off time Chorus. I thought really it was a "one shot" hit and now-a-days, I can pick that up on iTunes no problem.

But then in Tahoe, I noticed my sister in law bought the album so I took a listen. We both were playing with Elijah while she had it on. I still had my ear that sound. I think I told her how great it was like 30 times. Of course I do that with a lot of records. Especially records from artists just by looking at my collection I would not give the time of day (Case in point: Emmylou Harris---Red Dirt Girl, one of the best records you can buy, period) I bought the Fratellis as soon as I got back. I listen to them a lot in the car. It's an album you can rock out in a big way. Definitely influenced by the Beatles.

I think Scotland is place that people are suddenly going to pay attention to with all the great bands coming from there. The Fratellis just jumped into the lead. Besides Flathead, check out Whistle for the Choir, Chelsea Dagger, Baby Fratelli and For the Girl.

I Wanted To See If It Was True...

Since lawryde, stopped writing... I thought I'd tell you all about a little experiement I am doing that is sure to piss off all the tree hugging hippie liberals that are out there.

Okay... so like if you own a Mac and you have like iTunes. It tells you at the bottom of your song list how many days it would take to play them all. Mine says 10 days, 3 hours, 53 minutes and 14 seconds.

I started last Monday at like 8 AM and it has been playing since. It just got to "R"'s with three days to go. It started with REM in the morning and just got to Red Hot Chili Peppers right now. It'll stop at lunchtime on Thursday...

This is so cool... Imagine how much power I am wasting and how many polar bears are dying, all for the extra 5 bucks on my electric bill I am gonna see...

Flex your power!

Steve Rides The Short Stack

It wasn't good but it wasn't bad either. 5th place out of 14. I got my money back for entering but I didn't with more. Went until 2 AM which was about 2 hours longer than it needed to be. Never saw a good hand. I put two strong players out with bluffs and caught the rivers to make hands a few times.

People wrap so much in poker around the odds, the numbers and position. And all that is wiped away by pure luck. I don't think people win those big tournaments on skill. I think it is all luck.

Fun stuff...

Some of My Favorite Movie Trailer Recuts

Office Space Recut - Watch more free videos

This one is great if you liked Office Space...



A bit slow but the ending is fantastic!



Classic...

But the best one ever...



I can watch this 100 times.

A Couple of Updates

One... this is my 400th post!! (Big Whoop!)

Two... I have an addition to the Starbucks line because it happened today and I cannot believe I missed it. The one that walks in the door. Sees the line... muscles her way to the front, looks completely mystified... turns to the person behind her and says, "Are you next?" And then when you tell her you are, you are still pent up with rage and you are like, "YES, THANK YOU!!!" You try to squeeze her out of the way and she doesn't move. You are like on your tippy toes leaning into the space directly in front of the register to order your quadruple mega vente latte because she won't move. And it is completely oblivious that there are like 10 people who are "in line" before she was "next" before her. And she is blocking the pathway with her giant old lady purse to the counter where you pick up the coffee. She is both on the right and the left at the same time but is like 3 inches shorter than a doorknob Teeny. WTF!! Where do you go?

Three... It has been 5 days since the wicked accident out in the desert and I am in god awful pain. I can't move, stand or walk fast. It hurts to sit at my desk today and work but I am doing it. I took a grip of Advils at lunch. I am afraid to go the doctor in bloody pain because the dude will be like, "Are you like doctor shopping for medication? We just refilled your carbamazepine." Then I will have to piss in a cup or something to prove I ain't loaded. Then they'll ask if it happened at work and I'd be like, "Technically no, but technically yes..." I hopefully get out of picking up the boy from day care today. However, nothing makes me happier than walking into a room full of kids and the one with the biggest blue eyes sees you and comes running (crawling really) to you like Hyenna with rabies. The smile, the happiness and the snot flying around the room is totally amazing because I am: Dad

Four...

Thanks to tos, my thoughts are really mixed about "Sicko".



And five...

For lawryde...


3 Ways The Net Keeps You From Scoring - Watch more free videos

Wow...

Steve Sees "Sicko" And Actually Likes It

Okay... even though I am heartless Republican with fake morals and inconsistent allegiance to a "God", I think people should go see this movie and be a judge yourself. Besides how can you refute "liberal evidence" without hearing it.

The result of the movie is rather shocking.

Some spoilers...

They start with this old man who sliced off the top of two fingers on a table saw. Without insurance one would cost $60K and the other would cost $12K to repair. Needless to say he chose the $12K one. I was totally skeptical at this point. One being, if you can't have both why repair one? It was just the tips of his fingers. Two, the table saw he showed us was 30 plus years old with no rip fence, no blade guard AND he admitted to cutting through a knot in the wood. Three rookie moves. He obviously HAD NO IDEA on how to use the saw properly but that is not what Michael Moore picked apart. It was the only instance in the entire movie, except for the guy who tried to cross Abbey Road, walking on his hands and dislocating his shoulder where the person being hurt was more guilty than the doctor's office. Stupid is as stupid does.

The other one that got me was the lady with the infant with 104 degree temperature. As a member of Kaiser myself, Kaiser has a "plan" when your infant gets that temperature and you would learn this in the baby classes they offer for free. And when you call Kaiser and "you think you have a medical emergency" they tell you to call 911 or to go to the nearest hospital. A lady took her sick child to the nearest hospital and once the hospital contacted Kaiser, Kaiser denied payment in the emergency room and kicked the lady and child out and the child died. Well... In this case, I believe it wasn't a insurance issue. It was stupidity and though this lady lost her child I am totally sure she is rich beyond her wildest dreams. That is if this lady's story is as true as Moore stages it for him. If the lady is following an instruction that Kaiser leaves on their phone system, end of story... The other hospital should have treated the kid. The REAL problem I think though: The lady was black. I don't think we treat people of color very well in this country. And that is not a Republican issue, it is an American issue.

The other part that scared me is my recent health issues. I have a feeling I am a drain on Kaiser's resources with my MRI's and CT Scans and copious amounts of medicine. I am sure what I am taking is like $1000 a bottle or something. The scary part is if I try to leave Kaiser for a better deal or because I moved or if I wanted to get a second opinion and see what I really have going on. That is scary shit! According to Michael Moore's movie.

Some more parts where he compares Canada's, England's and France's medical systems to our own is a bit of movie magic but truthfully is a bit disheartening when you think about ours. Some facts Moore leaves behind:

• America has a military presence in Europe, ready to defend against first, Communism taking over from the East and now Terrorism from countries like Iran and Syria. Granted we went into Iraq (and really could have been out if we used more bombs) when Iran poses a greater threat but still we have a presence in that part of the world. Case in point, our bases in Germany, Poland and the Czech Republic.
• America spends more not only defending it's country but defending the world. Our nose is everywhere for good or bad. We are supporting Taiwan, South Korea, countries in Africa, Israel. We defend the seas, the air and the planet from most threats (sans Darfur). We are not just defending America. That shit costs money.
• As a percent of GNP we don't actually give in much aid as other other countries and you can find countless charts where America looks like it doesn't give shit. But if you added in military presence to keep up the flow of trade (and oil) throughout the world, we spend more than anyone.

In all, I think we helped countries like Great Britain and France get where they are because we helped them get back going after WWII. No one helped us, but no one devastated our country with bombs and murder. We stopped that war. And then we fought and stopped the Cold War. And we got the world through the oil crisis in the 1970's. And now we are taking on the brunt of terrorism (outside of Iraq too). No wonder we do not have the funds for health care and all the perks that France has. Moore leaves all this out just to say, "Hey, those countries have free medical care and we don't". Maybe we could do it and maybe we could do it right, but we cannot speculate on what we don't have and how it will effect this country.

I have been listening to the Reagan Diaries on my iPod in the evenings. One of the things Reagan says countless times in his diaries is how Congress was controlled by the Democrats for 45 years and they still could not put together a balanced budget. Reagan spent all that money on defense yes but he also attempted to balance the budget at the same time. Makes you wonder.

Lastly, Moore talks about all the free perks all of these countries get, including Cuba. Yet, we still pay $9.00 to see his movie. If it was such a radical and important issue, why charge us? And instead of picking on the system, a man with his power and money should do more about it. But we'll continue to see his movies because it makes us feel better. Sicko is as good as Bowling for Columbine and way better than Fahrenheit 911

Fly High, Fly Free, But Don't Fly Southwest!!!

As so the lead singer of the band, Samiam wrote on my T-shirt back in 1996....



So anyways, I love Southwest Airlines because of the free flights; they are great. But... What is up with people and the new security rules at the airport?

I packed my bag Tuesday morning and ran to the airport. After rushing through the parking lot, I proceeded to the security line which was way massive up here. I went through the security no problem, completely forgetting to take out my liquids!!! No problem no issues... nice and safe anyway, not like I had anything was in my bag that could cause a problem.

At least that I didn't notice until after... I had this off brand Leatherman tool with like a six inch blade on it that I tossed into the suitcase from my golf bag over the previous weekend in Tahoe. Sweet! I boarded a plane with a something a little more dangerous than a box cutter. Makes you feel safe, don't it. No way was I going to try that twice. I checked the bag and blade this morning.

I fly a lot. And all you hear in a security line is that you have to have your liquids in a quart sized back with no more than 3 oz of one substance. It's a simple freaking rule. But every other trip or so, I see the lady, in her mid 50's with her friends, heading to Vegas with their hand decorated T-Shirts with little dice, cards and chips COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the countless rules and regulations they have at the security line when it comes to liquids. I see "the lady" stereotype in question, getting her ass hauled out of the security area, like one of bin Laden's henchmen because she's got 14 to 15 full sized shampoo bottles that she cannot live without down in Vegas for two days. And she has that goofy, nervous grin on her face with the giggles like she did nothing wrong as she says to the security officer, "Why I didn't know, I hardly fly!" Meanwhile every businessman and woman is pissed that she stopped the whole freaking track because she is stupid. The businesswomen look even more pissed when this happens and are more likely to call the "lady" stupid under their breathe.

The other thing in security that happens is when the computer geek goes through. Dude's got like 4 laptops or video cameras and he doesn't take them out of the bag like he is supposed to. This guy is always in his twenties, in jeans, mostly white but sometimes Asian, harmless as a butterfly. His bag gets stopped like this for the electronic bullshit he didn't pull out or because he has a Dr. Pepper stuffed in the bag. No it's not a Pepsi or Coke, it's a Dr. Pepper!! Not Diet either, a full fledged Dr. Pepper. And he almost cries when they take the can away from him. He stairs blankly back at the conveyor belt as he is being frisked with that metal detecting rod at his lost Dr. Pepper that is thrown in the trash. You know, midway in flight, when he had one of those laptops open watching Lord of the Rings with his noise canceling headphones on, he was going to crack that Dr. Pepper open. You almost feel bad for him. It's really the story with in the story that is lost during travel.

The final guy that annoys me is nervous guy. I am guilty of having this guy's tendencies when I fly with family because I have a system and I don't like shit changed last minute because of someone having to pee or because they are nervous. Anyhow I saw this guy today and I almost coughed up my latte at the gate. Dude hits security line. It's like 4:50 AM. Flight is at 6AM. I know which flight he is on because I can see his boarding pass. He's on my flight. So nervous over the security. I felt like punching him because he felt the line was too long and moving slow. There was maybe 30 people backed up. Lot's of geeky Asians and older women flying to Vegas. Anyhow... I get away from him and get through security. I see my gate and in Phoenix they have these rolling platforms, like flat escalators. I get on one of those and walk to my gate, looking for a Starbucks the whole way. (I found one with no line!!!) I am almost to the gate when up the middle of carpet away from the conveyor belt, the nervous dude is running and panting loudly. I am riding the belt totally relaxed and he is barreling up to the gates like he stole something. I see my gate then I see Starbucks, order, then head over to my "A" Section. I am like seventh. Big board and monitor say, "FLIGHT NUMBER --- SACRAMENTO 6:00 BOARDS AT 5:45" It's like 5:20. He finally finds us and heads to the lady at the counter. "Um..." he says, "Is this Flight --- to Sacramento?" The lady is like, yeah... as she points. Clearly she is doing something else more important than answering a stupid question. "When do I board?" He says... She just points at the clear block lettering on the panel next to the door. "Oh, "he says, "Well... Well... I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee or something over there and I'll be back." Pointing frantically at Starbucks (which still has no line) That's when I choked on the latte. What was he doing? Threatening to come back and ask more questions? I couldn't believe it. Dude was freaking the whole way up. Definitely didn't need any coffee.

People watching is so much fun...

Steve Involved In A Wicked Car Accident

I was driving today in Arizona. It was hot like 107 degrees. I was in a sports-type car and so I was going kind of fast for the conditions. I was weaving in and out of corners just passing people left and right, a lot of them just really didn't know how to drive. Well, I came around this really tight corner and this lady spun out in front of me. She totally got sideways and like I had nowhere to go. I thought quick and I threw my car into the guard rail hoping to make it through and BAM!!! I was T-Boned at 35 mph by the car behind me. I almost flew out of the car because it was open top. I had a four point harness on though and THANK GOD for the helmet!!

I was able to straighten out and get off the track. I was lucky. The guy that hit me is a piece of shit for doing so. That guy is big brother. And we were on the F-1 go kart racing track in Phoenix, AZ. He had his racing permit revoked for the day. I might forgive him but 30 minutes in the hot tub did nothing to help.

But the racing...

Dude... it was so rad. These go karts go like 45 mph. There was this tight track and we got two races on it. Centrifical clutch on the motor. A gas pedal and some brakes. Yeah what brakes. I was drifting in the fog like an Asian kid in Daly City, CA down Hickey Blvd. (Grow up in DC and you know what I am talking about) I was all giddy before we started. We had to take a race "class" on how to drive. We had a smock for the helmets so your sweat didn't make everything wet. Optional racing suits which we declined of course because we didn't want to look like fairies. I have a passion for driving cars fast and when I can get in a position to legally do so... I can get a car to move.

So there was like 10 of us. We all get in the cars. My brother got the pole position because of a random pick and I was 5th, which pissed me off. As soon as the green flag dropped I was gone. We had a rolling start and when green meant go, I freaking blew the doors off the car in front of me. All tight corners and chicanes. I found the line and soon I was behind my brother. The two of us roll it like we stole it. I'd pass him and the asshole would cheat and bump me into the wall over and over. This went on for like 15 laps until they called us in.

They judged the racing times by seconds per lap. I had the fastest lap out of 24, beating my brother by a full half second. He was pissed. He made up excuses like my car was faster or that his brakes didn't work right or that because I am smaller. (He's 6' 1" and maybe 220, which doubles Teeny both in height and weight, twice) I rarely used my brakes and all that tuning and racing I did a few years back on my 914 and the racing games on my XBOX 360 paid off. I flew around corners. Everyone would take them tight... I ran them deep to keep the speed up because of the engine clutch these things have. When you hit the brakes you lose revs and your engine dies. You keep the engine speed up and there is no stopping you. I got the thing to back fire a few times which was really cool. The line was definitely on the outside of the track.

So a half an hour later. The cars are in a different order so the faster car claim is gone. I am running 5th at the start so I still have to pass 4 people to get to the front and ahead of my brother. I don't have the same car. And still despite the accident (that the managers were pissed at my brother for) I beat my best time by a full second and again came in first. I ran this car harder. Sliding, smoking tires. It was great. All except for the crash. The admonished my brother and kicked him out.

In the championship race I lost by 7 tenths of a second. My time in the second race was the 4th best this week at this place.

My thumbs hurt. My back is totally fucked. I think I have whiplash. My wrists are killing me. After he hit me I sat on the track for like 5 minutes and then pulled off the track and sat there for another few. My co-workers had that look like, "Oh that dude is totally a jerk for doing that to him."

But it's okay... We go on these team events and if there is something to win, my brother always tries to win. He is ultra competitive. But I stuck him twice by a good margin. I had him.

I won.

7 Rules For Waiting In Line At Starbucks.

Okay... apparently the concept of waiting in line escapes people when they enter a Starbuck's to get their morning twitch cured. So I'd thought I'd write some rules down before I piss off the next client at this multi national juggernaut with my "move the F--- up, bitch":

1. When you are in line, you are "in line". Doesn't mean you exit, walk around the store to look at a shelf, greet a friend or take a leak. "In line" means you are waiting to be "next" at the register, plain and simple. And when you are "next" be sure you actually are "next". Most Starbucks have two registers going and you just may cut off the person that was really "next" because they reached to get a paper or CD (after they finally got to the counter and not beforehand).
   
2. Know your drink, period. A long line does not mean you ask about the different soymilk combinations they have when the barista calls on you for a drink. The menu rarely, if at all, changes. Ask your questions after you order... for next time. There are no trade backs. You are there because you are an addict. A meth head does not ask the dealer if he has cherry flavored syringes. Look up this shit online if you want to know.
   
3. Be alert. I know you are at Starbuck's because you are still asleep. However, pay attention!! The line can suddenly move forward. Note if anyone is wearing a construction vest in front of you, they are there for a basic cup of coffee and not some foo foo pussy drink. Usually these guys come in packs. If seven of them are in line in front of you, you'll be at the counter in a matter seconds. Also the Barista's have a habit of processing drink orders up the line. Don't be the one with the person behind you going, "Uh... sir... Um... sir, SIR!!!" while frantically pointing forward.
   
4. Cellphones are like children: Don't bring them. If you have a child, you spend more time "in line" keeping them from the juice rack, coffee machines and cd's piled around the store, while yelling their names out every 10 seconds. It's just as embarrassing to us as it is to you because if we are right behind you, we look like "your husband, life partner or seed donor". Consequently if you are a cellphone guy (even if it is hands free and you look just like one of the bums outside begging for money, talking to yourself) you are just as guilty as the mother with the kids. Shut it off. Starbucks is the Utopia of Capitalism. You are no more and no less important because you have a phone in this world. The barista will call you "the asshole with the phone" when he is filling your cup under his breath when his helper says, "Who's this for?"
   
5. If you are at Starbucks to order drinks for the entire staff of your office, look behind you. If the person behind you is ordering one simple drink and there is no one else behind you or them, let them through first. It's like going to the check stand at the grocery store with a cart full a shit and letting the guy around with the six pack of beer. It's courtesy. It applies to Mochas as well as Safeway.
6. If you are treating 5 or 6 friends, ask them to clear out and find a seat if the store is busy. Nothing annoys anyone more when 6 of you are sitting around visiting while "in line" or "next". Take the drink orders. Don't make it complicated and keep moving forward. It's simple courtesy. We're not invited to your party so don't crash ours.
7. A lot of Starbucks offer stupid trivia games for a free shot of Espresso. This one is a bit complicated for some folks. If you don't like the "coffee taste" of your mocha anyway, don't freaking answer even if you know Darth Vader's original name. Starbucks is not going to cut the price of your drink because you can't handle the extra shot. And when you answer wrong. Don't freaking argue and beg for the free shot because "no one else got it right either". And if you need to feel more keyed this morning and the answer is completely obvious, like "Who just won the Super Bowl?" the day after it occurred, then dude... answer, don't hem and haw over it because you "get all the answers right on Jeopardy but never get the call from Mr. Trebek back" because you actually know the score too. Smile and say thank you, because they didn't need to give you free shit anyway.
   

This is all I got. Anyone else got anything annoying about waiting, comment below.

Neighborhood Walk

Cool things you can do with Picasa and camera. We took a walk this morning down in Midtown Sacramento. Here are the photos I took. Worth watching!!!

The Pixies Invaded This Blog A Couple of Years Back

Ever wonder why I have "If man is five, then the devil is six, then God is seven" on the bottom of my posts signifying comments? And then when you post a comment... on top it says, "This monkey's gone to heaven"

This video sheds some light:



Still sound good even though they are old... Big influence on pretty much everything not related to "Hair Band Rock".

Just got back from Tahoe after 6 days. Elijah had a great time as you can see in the photo below:

The Big "E" Not Wanting Help Off of the Saddle from his Great Great Uncle Harry

Still collecting all the photos from various cameras. There are some cool boat photos of him out there that I will post as soon as my sister in law sends them to me (or she posts them on her blog and I'll just tag them here).

I'll bet you'll NEVER see a Pixies video along side a boy on a saddle on the same post on any other blog. Prove me wrong!!