Saturday, December 20, 2008

Turn for the Worst... Almost

And hopefully temporary...

As you know if you have been reading this blog the past 4 years I deal with a lot of freaking chronic pain that no one can figure out which has radically changed my life since 2004.  (Radically...?  Not... just a few things. :))  I don't golf really anymore but that is more of time issue than a pain thing but I hurt like hell swinging a golf club.

I still suck down copious amounts of pain meds, anti-anxiety meds and anti-hyperactivity meds too because I am all wound up over work, life and worry.

Still think it is a disease that is taking over my body and I hope to find it soon in the new year because dammit, I would like to know so I can get relief even if it is just knowing what it is and it didn't have a cure.

Despite everything, I still look ahead, think about growing up, jam on my guitars and now trombone and baritone horn again because I am in a place by myself where I can drag all that shit out and blast away to my hearts content.

Playing trombone again of all things is giving me relief even if I only have the embouchure for 15-20 minutes of blowing on it.  It is funny, because I never took a lesson on a trombone.  Tuba, Baritone, and trumpet... yeah... for years I took lessons.  Trombone?  No one said... this is where 2nd position is or this note goes there, etc.  I learned it by getting a book out, my ear, and by monkeying through.  Good enough to pick up once in a while.  The sound down in there...  down in my gut is still there... and why I played these brass instruments through high school and college.  I was just better than my peers at music.  I did not have natural talent...  I just stayed at it and stayed a very technical player.  The emotion in playing, singing and other stuff I do has come years later.  This week I learned Sound of Silence and Mrs. Robinson on my guitar just to be able to do it.  Playing it in my key and mostly by ear.  Music has been my relief...

But the turn for the worst...  I have been in more pain the past two weeks than I have the past three years.  It's in my neck, arm, wrist and now knee.  My knee hurts like it did when I was 14 and screwed it up wall riding on my skateboard years back and had to have it drained.  I couldn't run for a while with it because it hurt so bad.  Now it is back along with the rest of the shit.  A little swollen.  All of this pain is on the left side of my body.  Also have tingling on the left side of my head once in a while... a few times a week.

I switched medical carriers and starting the 1st I can get a new doctor finally and have options open to trying other things like the UC doctors or Stanford.  So I can't wait... I need to lick this thing.  Or at least know what it is to get the right medication.  I fear it is MS... But MS, I am ready to accept...  Because I would at least know...  Pain is not a good thing to live with especially at 35... which I am next Thursday.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I thougt they ruled out MS already?

If so or even f not you ned to strengthen your muscles and you can do that by a simple beginning yoga CD. It will help you not only make you stronger and more flexible it helps reduce stresss by brething techiques.
E-mail me your address and I will get you one for Christmas. Then you have no more excuses.
Lisa

Stephanie said...

(((Steve)))

Okay, I know, totally lame, but I can't really think of anything better.

Steve said...

LOL... the old chat hugs...

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.