The Art of Baby Care: I Should be Dead!!!

Last night we had our last baby class. This one involved infant safety as well as CPR classes.

I should be dead!

They talked about socket covers for the plug outlets on the walls so kids don't stick anything in them. Like me, sticking tweezers into the wall when I was like 5.

Stair guards. What's that? Never saw that before. I see them now but not my parents.

Window guards. My upstairs bedroom window was easy to open. I don't remember how many times I hung out the window when it rained as a kid. No window guard.

Unsupervised baths. Mom just filled the tub and threw some toys in. Sucks to be Steve, here's some shampoo.

My favorite, making the baby sleep on its back instead of it's chest to help reduce the chance of SIDS. What's up with that? No blankets or toys either. Just a bare mattress with maybe a sheet on it.

Crib safety! No lead paint. Bars less than 2 and 3/4". Boy, I have one crib memory in my bedroom growing up where I stuck my arms through to my brother and he pulled me forward so my face slammed into the crib. That sucked!!

How to strap your kid's baby seat into the car? I don't remember ever having one. In fact, I don't remember having to wear a seat belt in the car. The nice 1974 Chevy Malibu "Grocery Getter" Station Wagon my parents had was plenty safe, with it's black vinyl seats and rear cargo area. God help us if we ever were forced to wear a seat belt. I remember climbing into a friends car growing up and the mom not leaving unless we were buckled. It was a foreign concept to me, almost like some other religion. And now we have 5 point harnessed safety seats. We're just about ready for the track! My kids probably gonna have a breakaway steering wheel and a HANS device, soon.

And the CPR class, God knows how many times I choked on something where my father just handed me a glass of water instead of slapping my back across his knee to expel the object.

My parents were great parents. I wonder how I lived though.