Monday, September 04, 2006

Drunk Guy at the KFC...

So... I went off tonight to the ATM to get some cash for the week and deposit a check I got. And wouldn't you know it, there was a KFC/A&W right next door to the bank. I had the hankerin' for some Kentucky Fried Chicken despite the whole "cruelty of animals" thing that KFC does before they deep fry them. (I know, I just made ya think about the whole de-beaking thing... gobble gobble...) (oops that's turkey not chicken)

Anyhow, wouldn't you know it there was a grip of people in the place getting a few buckets of chicken for their hungry families. There was a useless rent-a-cop on duty with his badge sewn on to his shirt. I almost laughed when I saw him. Sorry, but seriously, when I walk into a fast food place, I'd like to know who's who. You know... who you shouldn't look at because of their gang affiliation or who you should look at because they are fun to look at, like the rent-a-cop who I'd bust in half in two seconds if it ever went down.

I'd also like to know where the exits are, including the ones behind the restaurant because if some psycho runs in with an AK-47 or a sawed off Remmington 12 gauge because he lost his assistant manager's job to the freckle faced kid that shows up on time and stays late, I'm freaking bailing. I totally want nothing with that.

Today though... drunk guy was there. For some reason I knew this when I rolled up in the Hummer bumpin' my Ben Fold's Rockin' the Suburbs off of my iPod. All the spots downtown are labeled compact which means to me that the parking spots are small and you gotta take care when navigating these. An H3 fits tight into a compact spot and still has room to swing the doors open fully. I parked in back by the fence so no one would mind, though. But drunk guy was already there in his 1990 turquoise green Ford 150 LONG BED stretched acrossed four spots. "What a dick!" I thought as I passed by it to the door.

So I am like three spots back in line, right? Well... make it two actually. Basically there was this dude with a... you guessed it, Budweiser hat one with his shirt unbuttoned like he was cool or something and some fresh faced early twenty something who was waiting behind him in what he thought was a line. Then there was me, in my Tommy Bahama, sandals and pocket safari shorts.

I'm sitting here watching and the kid in front asks, "Are you in line?" to the drunk guy.

"Um... do you see a line?" says 'Bud'.

The little Asian guy that works behind the counter decides to get further involved then he already is by saying, "Can I help who's next?" for like the third time.

"I'm waiting for my food, buddy... and I am gonna stand here," interjects 'Bud'.

The kid suddenly gets pissed, and I am thinking, this is so me 10 years ago... I was just like this kid. He just wanted to order and some dick was standing in his way. The kid was ready go a few rounds but the drunk guy had the size and position and rent-a-cop is nowhere in sight. I felt I needed to act fast because this kid could get dropped right in front of me. I perked up, y'know, flexing my chest and got up to full posture and I just about said, "I got his back, get the F--- out of line!!!" But before I got that off, the greasy looking dude in the shades and black Raider hat with matching white tank top that I have just now noticed says... "Hey man, let the kid order... get out of line man..."

'Bud' shouts out a few explicitives and pretends to go at the Raider Nation guy. I am thinking, "OK here it goes, right now... rent-a cop better get up here and call someone or something, Raider guy likes to fight. I have heard about these guys on Rome. They took a Miami Dolphins fan down in the bathroom at the playoffs a few years back and peed all over him, right in front of his kids. These guys are just straight up, hard". But dude, Raider guy suddenly changes the subject on us all while we were in suspense because him and 'Bud' are "buddies". They had just hit few cases of beer hard all day at the condo or something and Raider guy was reigning his friend in because he was an ass. They went off and got their rootbeer and stuff and left. I got my food soon after.

Sure enough, they got into the so-1990's green truck straddling the back lot. The cruised by the H3 slowly and gave me the cool car nod.

Silver and black are bad colors.

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