Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Steve Gets To Visit a Psychologist (Again!)

Heh... This is too funny. In my ongoing saga of chronic back pain I yet get to turn another leaf and journey down another hole of pain management. I should just post reruns of posts from the past because it's the same thing, yet this is sweep's week and we're always due for good first run episodes. (Boston Legal looks good tonight...)

I went back this week to the doctor with for a "Hmmm, let's try this now" visit. They use words like "puzzle" and "a mix" to describe my painful situation.

Heh... It all started when I emailed the Doc a few weeks ago saying my situation needed improving. His office agreed and I got a call to come back in. What was interesting though, they realized I had a follow up appointment so they told me to keep that because "the doctor is in that day and he'll see you... no need to have another appointment." So when I show up and the nurse asks me why I was there, I go..."For a follow up and they said I'd see the doctor about my back pain."

The nurse sighs, and says something like "You're unbelievable, he can't see you today... he's totally booked!!" Okay, I thought, for one, it was the first appointment of the day, so why is he suddenly booked up? A line a Starbucks? The 5 series is in the shop, so he had to drive the wife's M-Class? And two... they told me to freaking show up and said, he was in and would see me. I used answer two without the freaking part.

So the nurse weighs me and asks me my height. For one, she marked down the wrong number to what the scale said. I was wearing steel toed boots that way about 5 pounds each. So I look at the Body Mass chart that she had and the Body Mass number she put me down for... and... OBESE? WTF? I am obese? If I am obese, Nicole Ritchie needs a serious diet. What the hell? It's like she added 15 pounds here and there to whatever the scale said. I ran home to weigh myself after... No wonder she wasn't helpful.

Anyhow... I get the nice nurse now and we run through my follow up.

Basically, I am still screwed and the MRI's don't show anything and they just don't know. So now comes treatment. I get to go to the psychologist again. I was like, "No not that boring dude!!" This one is gonna be different and is gonna hook me up to a machine and stuff. What's really cool is they are gonna toss me over to some alternative medicine too. Acupuncture! This I gotta see man... I wanna go just to see what they do and have all those needles stuck in me! I wanna video tape it! Post it here. I think that would be freaking awesome. Me. Laying there... in my BVD's with a bunch of needles in my back like the Matrix or something. Then you all could see that I am not obese!

So there's that and...

Oh yeah... Steroid injections. See after the Psychologist, I get another follow up. Then the needle. This one I am 50/50 on. Epidural. Right in the spine. A big ole needle shoved right into the spinal column. I mean, it's gonna hurt but for how long? It's scheduled in the New Year. I try not to think about it though. The pain. The possible side effects that happen to 2-3 out of a hundred. Wait! That's like 1:50 or 1:33!! One possible side effect: Permanent numbness. That and I could probably poop everywhere during it. Nice! I think I am not gonna eat a thing the day before. Oh and another possible side effect: a "wet" tap. Which basically means, the doctor yells "Oh shit!!" as your spinal fluid leaks out and gives you a headache for like a week and you have to lay horizontal until it goes away. Either way... they are the doctor, I guess they know what they are doing.

Oh and I got a big ole bottle of Vicodin to take home with me.

Life's good though! I am a happy person... (despite our losses in the House and Senate)

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