Monday, March 10, 2008

Kids Suck!

So I take Elijah to the park...

No one is there... Elijah has the whole thing to himself. So what does he do first? Runs to the swings... Once he was done he ran back to the slides. So I just followed him watching to make sure he doesn't fall through one of those gaping holes they have about 5 feet up. Tan bark is soft but dude... Any OSHA compliance?

Then three older kids show up with their mom... And they just pound the slide... I had to shield Elijah from these kids so he didn't get knocked over. These kids reminded me of a ringer playing on a C-League Hockey Team. Kids just that since they where bigger and better than little Elijah, they felt they could beat him at "slide".

Sidenote: If some of you have been following along on this blog since November of 2004, you realize by now, that I am a class A ASSHOLE!!! I am the biggest jerk you will ever ever meet, when I want to be. 9 year old kids not withstanding...

So how could I win, get them back and continue to nourish and lovingly enjoy Elijah's playtime as he explores the world of amazement at the local park? Well, I am 5 foot 11, 185 pound blockade... that is what.

You want to enter through the fun crawl space? Not when I am standing in front of it, watching Elijah climb each stair shouting, "Up! Up! Up!" as he makes his way to the big slide.

Wanna climb up the big slide the wrong way so my son cannot go down? "Excuse me please, Excuse me PLEASE!!!" Loud enough so your mom that is more into her girlfriend on the phone, hears and gets annoyed and she has to come pull your sorry little asses off the slide and threaten to take you home.

Then there is the 7 year old that asks why Elijah is wearing a diaper. "Why is he wearing a diaper?"

"Because he has to.."


"Because he is a baby.."


"Because he is only a year and a half old"


"Because he and his mommy conceived him sometime in November of 2005..."

"Why... What's conceived?"

At this point, I tell the kid to shut up and play.... Jesus Christ...

Then I cannot get to Elijah fast enough and the dirty little kids try to help him by dragging him by the arm.. 15 seconds of that was too much.

There is some bad parenting in this world and I am glad I am not going to be one of them...

I hope...

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